Saturday, November 27, 2010

American Diabetes Association's Tour de Cure

I have signed up to ride in the Tour de Cure again.  God willing I will be riding my bike 100 miles on April 30th to raise funds for the ADA.  Many members of my family have diabetes, this is a cause close to my heart.  If you'd like to donate, let me know, I can direct you to my link.  :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Day

Well, here in the US today is Thanksgiving Day.  For many people, maybe even most people, it is a day to celebrate gluttony, a day to overeat and over indulge.  I cannot say that I haven't done the same in the past.  However, the last 2 years I have done things differently.  Actually, I started doing things differently several years ago. 

I have not always had the easiest of lives and have spent many years struggling, physically and emotionally to be sure but I have had the greatest struggles financially.  Being a single mother with three children to raise was not an easy task and to have my ex-husband decide that I didn't deserve child support only served to make matters worse.  It didn't matter that the child support was really for his children and it didn't matter that the courts said he had to pay me the support, he decided he wasn't going to pay me and so he didn't.  I know there are laws on the books to "force" deadbeat dads to pay support but there are ways around those laws if you look hard enough.  My ex found a woman gullible enough to support him enabling him to avoid holding down a job.  I understand he sells stuff on eBay but I guess the courts haven't figured out a way to attach that income yet.

Many years ago I decided my peace of mind was more important than fighting with him about the money so I turned it all over to the District Attorney and am grateful every month when they manage to collect $50 from my ex's girlfriend.  The support order was for $450 per month per child.  My children are long past 18 now so all he owes me is arrears and interest, last time I checked (several years ago) that amount was in excess of $120K.  I'll never see it.

But this post is not about past due child support.  The past due support just lays the background for my first hand knowledge of less than ideal circumstances in life.  I will never complain about having to do without.  This may sound strange but I thank God for the first few years after my divorce, the lean years of my life.  Those years taught me about gratitude and how important it is.  My children and I never did without.  God used my family and friends and sometimes even government agencies to ensure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our backs.  They even went as far as ensuring there were gifts under the tree at Christmas time.  There were many occasions I was unable to provide for my children but I didn't have to.  I just needed to rest in the embrace of my loving father in Heaven.  I fully acknowledge how undeserving I was and still am of those blessings bestowed upon my children and me in those years.  I am so grateful the Lord provided for us.  I also acknowledge that there are many, many people in this world who are not as blessed.

After a few years of regular employment and a steady income I began to pull myself out of debt and was able to provide for my children and myself.  I sometimes wonder if I was too prideful on occasion telling the agencies to please bless other families more needy than ours.  It just made more sense to me when I could finally take care of my family on my own.  It's not that I didn't want the help, I just knew that there were other families more needy than ours. 

One Thanksgiving not long after that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.  It was about a week before the holiday and no one had invited us to share the meal with them yet.  My apartment (and budget) was much too small for more than one or two guests so I felt unable to invite anyone to share with us.  I trudged to the grocery store and purchased a small turkey and all the fixings for our dinner.  I must confess, I was a little resentful of my family and the fellowship I felt we were deliberately being left out of.  (Long story, a whole 'nother post entirely.)  I was working at that time, a job where I routinely put in 10 to 12 hours a day, which didn't leave me a lot of time for cooking.  Late Tuesday evening I finally got a call from my mother, inviting us to spend Thanksgiving with her and my step-father.  Of course I accepted. 

Now realistically I could have put the turkey and all the fixings into my freezer and/or cupboards and saved them for a future date with my oven.  Considering my finances I probably should have, but I knew that the last minute phone call was a blessing from God, the invitation really came from Him.  Therefore, I needed to react to it in the manner to which He called me.  That meant that the kids and I packed up all that food and drove it to Samaritan House, the nearest ministry accepting donations for feeding the poor and homeless.  A new Thanksgiving tradition was started for my children and me.  Beginning that year, every time my children and I had the opportunity, we purchased 2 dinners for the holiday, one for ourselves and one to give away.  Or, on the few occasions we were invited to share the holiday meal with someone, we purchased just the one to give away.

I've since stopped sharing holiday meals with my family and my children have grown and are now celebrating on their own.  They are at a time in their lives where they believe they know more and are smarter than their mother.  They believe I am overly religious and bigoted to boot.  My children are good people, they are just misguided.  This means I now celebrate the holidays on my own.  Being alone is not a good thing for me.  I am a very social person and can only tolerate limited quantities of alone time.   This holiday is especially tough after the recent breakup of my romantic relationship.

A few years ago our church forged a partnership with a ministry in San Francisco's Tenderloin district.  For those of you who may be unfamiliar with San Francisco, this is an extremely poor section of town, populated by people who are usually invisible in our society, the poor and the homeless.  Many of the Tenderloin's residents are there because of poor choices in their lives: addictions, alcoholism, prostitution, whatever the choice may be.  Many of the residents are there because of financial constraints or maybe they are immigrants who cannot afford better housing or don't speak enough language to acquire better accommodations.  No matter why they are there it is an often overlooked part of town. 

Last year I joined the team from my church who drove down to San Francisco to deliver warm meals and groceries to the residents of the Tenderloin.  This year I joined the team again.  I do it out of obedience.  Jesus calls me to do it out of love for His brothers and sisters in Him.  I wrote more in detail about this event last year.  I am exhausted so I will not repeat the story this year.  However, there were a few things that happened that made this year unique from last year.  I may write about those tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What A Week! - Part 4

If you read my posts about my trip to Mexico it sounds like it was a very secular trip.  I made very little mention of the spiritual side of the trip other than morning devotions and Eddie and Brandon's messages in the morning.  And I know I even made Brandon's sound like a commercial interruption.  That really isn't the case.  Right after breakfast on Friday and Saturday mornings we all filed into the big meeting room upstairs and had a time of worship.  Eddie gives us a hard time about paying attention to the lyrics we are singing but he does join in with us.  Ever since he started doing that I have been paying attention.  If you sing, "break my heart for what breaks yours" to Jesus you better mean it.  In my opinion, worship is prayer set to music.  It is a conversation with God and you shouldn't sing something you don't mean.

Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer.  We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them.  Some of these prayers are quite touching.  I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end.  Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us.  It is always a very special time. 

Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building.  He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM.  Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions.  The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions.  Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans.  There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there.  This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere.  That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support).  I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying. 

One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country.  This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country.  This particular country has several endangered species of animals.  Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country.  His passion for Christ overwhelms me.  His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing.  I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age.  I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...

I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally.  I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work.  I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me.  I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown.  I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed.  Let's see, what could be contributing to that?  Peri-menopause?  the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son?  Those are all good candidates.  I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return.  I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer.  No, that only made me feel worse.  I behaved terribly on that date.  I shamed myself.  Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena.  My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there.  I listened to the speakers and bought a few books.  My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne.  (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.

On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon.  Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house.  Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures.  I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures.  Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...




Please excuse my unmade bed.  I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me.  A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace.  The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint.  I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning.  My painting is a gift from the Lord.  He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception.  Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint. 

I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico.  Now I know that I wasn't paying attention.  God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say.  Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace.  Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord.  It is His to do with as He pleases.  If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will.  If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will.  If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will.  I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.

O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts.  Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk.  Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You.  I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You.  Amen

What a week! - Part 3

Sunday morning arrived too early.  I was still having problems sleeping, the bunk was hard and the weather too warm.  It was 103 in Tijuana on Thursday as we drove down and only slightly cooler on Friday and Saturday.  Sunday was expected to be cooler because there was rain in the forecast.  It still didn't help me sleep on Saturday night, though.  I tossed and turned most of the night and woke up about 3 feeling as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to my back.

Finally 5:30 arrived.  We were getting up earlier than normal so that we could get to the border early.  After grabbing a cup of tea and rolling up my sleeping bag I also helped with chores around the dorm.  We had to sweep and/or vacuum all the rooms and clean the bathrooms.  We also cleaned up the kitchen and ensured all the water containers were filled.  We carried trash and relined cans.  We also tended to Diane and four of the kids since they woke up feeling quite ill.

Eventually all the vehicles were packed and ready to go.  We said our goodbyes to the staff that got up to see us off and then loaded ourselves up and started down the road.  We actually left the dorms about 6:20, the earliest I ever remember leaving.  The true test would be the lines at the border.

One of the things they tell us in the Saturday evening meeting is not to joke with the border guards because they do not have a sense of humor.  And generally I have seen that to be true.  The guards take thier jobs quite seriously and joking with them can cause delays in getting back across the border.  This trip was an exception, though.  Kirk had only decided to come on this trip at the last minute therefore he did not have his passport.  He just hadn't ever applied for one before because he had never needed one before.  Although we were all supposed to have a passport in order to return to the states Diane had assured Kirk he could get home with just his birth certificate and drivers' license.  He was really sweating it as we pulled up to the guard booth.  We had been teasing him all the while we sat in line about making a run for the border.  Adonna, Stephen and I all had our passports so we told Kirk he needed to run on foot so that we could drive across, after all we didn't need to get shot in a hail of bullets, we had our passports.  It was general hilarity in the truck until we got to the guard booth.

"Where you headed?"

"Folsom, California, sir."  For those who may not know, there is a rather famous penitentiary there.

"Ah, headed back to jail now, are ya?"

Kirk slumps down in his seat and gives a nervous chuckle.

"May I see your passports?"

"Well, you see, this is where the prison might come into the picture here."

The guard was actually quite nice about it, he did lecture Kirk and admonished him to get his passport but he let us through with several chuckles and a smile.  We caught up with the rest of our group at the McDonald's on the American side of the border and after counting noses to ensure everyone got through we hit the road for the Sacramento/Folsom area.

The drive home was as pleasant as the way down.  We played a few word games again, proving I have quite an extensive vocabulary.  We talked more with Stephen about his plans for the future, agreeing that we could all see him as an emergency room doctor due to his calm demeanor.  Finally, 12 hours after leaving El Florido we rolled into the church parking lot.  We were home.

Monday, November 15, 2010

What a Week! - Part 2

I never sleep well in Mexico.  The bunks are hard, the neighborhood is noisy, some of the women snore and/or talk in their sleep.  And the bunks are noisy!  They really are little more than plywood platforms with thin foam pads for a semblance of mattresses.  Whenever someone tosses and turns or gets up or lays down the bunks creak and groan.  I can also usually hear one or more of the guys snore from across the hall.  The roosters start up about 3:30 every morning and the traffic is constant, horns, people, circuses.  Nope, I rarely sleep well in Mexico.

Saturday morning arrived much too early.  I woke with a sinus headache due to all the dust in the air.  I wandered down to the kitchen to search out a cup of tea. 

Tea in hand I mananged to make it through devotionals and breakfast.  By 8 I was ready to stumble into the meeting room on time and oin in with singing praises to our Lord.  The woman who regularly leads our trips to Mexico has put together a book of songs we sing while in Mexico.  It has some of my favorites in it.  Some we sing in rounds, some we sing in parts, all of them we sing concious of the words we are singing and the impact those words can and do have on our lives.  Eddie has given more than one message on watching the words we sing to the Lord.  If we sing that we are giving Him our "All in All" we had better really be giving Him our All in All.  Eddie can say it in a more convicting manner than I do.

Saturday's message was delivered by a young man maned Brandon Buser.  If you been reading my blog for any amount of time you may have noted 2 previous guest speakers in Mexico, Brad and Brooks Buser.  They are Brandon's father and brother, respectively.  Brad raised Brooks and Brandon in Papua New Guinea while he was a missionary to the Iteri people.  When Brooks and Brandon were grown they each made the decision to return to Papua New Guinea as well, Brooks as a missionary to the Yembi Yembi people and Brandon to the Biem people.  More information regarding this amazing family can be found all over the web.  I just plugged "Buser Papua New Guinea" into Google and got a plethoria of hits.  Brandon shared with us his current update.  Eddie made a pitch for funds for Brandon and his family.  A boat is needed for their return trip to the Biem people.  Part of the journey must be done by boat, it's a 6 hour trip across a section of water that more than once has claimed all their supplies.  A new boat sufficient for their needs will cost close to $80,000.00.

Saturday's build assignment found me on the team with Mike and Diane Slusher and Eddie Passmore.  I love building with them, Mike and Diane especially.  Building with Eddie is a study in contradictions.  He is always telling us to slow down and interact with the families more but he himself powers through the job with blazing speeds.  Still, we were able to get Saturday's house built quickly and still have plenty of time for interaction. 





Lunch that day was totally awesome Vera Cruz tamales with steak ranchera and rice.  The family was shyer than Friday's family so we were unable to get their names (our Spanish sometimes leaves a lot to be desired as well).  We we able to determine they had only one child but there were plenty in the neighborhood and they all wanted to help.  At one point I was laughing at the guys on the site, they each had a small flock of little boys following them, much like the Pied Piper.  Anyways, once she had fed all the "grupos" the mom of our family also fed all the kids in the neighborhood.  It was a very touching sight to see. 



We built a 12x16 house for the family that day but the family had requested only one window due to the amount of wind that location received.  About halfway through the day the father requested a second door for easier access to the "bano" he was having built.  The challenge was, the wall he wanted the door in was already up and painted.  As usual, we were able to rise to the occassion and get the job done.




Since this was an "Eddie" team we fot the house completed in record time, even with the added door challenge.  All to soon we were saying goodbye to the family and headed back to the dorms.



Once back at the dorms we found the jewelry ladies setting up shop.  As usual I had to buy a few trinkets for myself to remember the trip by. 

We didn't have to reload trucks that afternoon as there wasn't going to be a build the next day.

After showers, dinner and ice ceram we once again met in the upstairs room where we had a "de-briefing" meeting.  Eddie loves to hear stories from the builds, especially from the first timers.  Then we got down to business discussing the logistics of traveling home the next day.  I went back to my bunk to pack up as much as I could to make Sunday morning as quick and painless as possible.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What a week! - Part 1

OMGoodness!  I can't believe that it is already Sunday evening.  Then again, so much has happened this pat week that I can't believe it's only Sunday evening. Have you ever had a week like that?  I feel as if I have been running from one thing to the next all week long.  No time to rest or catch up in between.  Well, I did rest on Monday evening...

Let's see, where to start?  I believe I left off early Thursday morning, waking up at some unreasonably early hour so that I could be at church by 6:00 a.m. in order to drive down to Mexico...

So I arrived at the church just a couple of minutes after 6 a.m.  As was the case in 8 out of the last 10 trips I was the first one there.  But I wasn't alone for very long.  People started trickling in and we soon had all the vehicles loaded with luggage and people and after a last bathroom break and a prayer we piled in the vehicles and began our journey.

My friend Adonna had invited her friend Kirk and he had volunteered to drive.  So Diane had assigned both me and Stephen Kaspick to ride with Adonna and Kirk.  Stephen and Adonna had both been on mission trips to Mexico before but Kirk was a newbie.  Diane had let Adonna and me know that she wanted us to get Stephen talking, he's normally a very quiet man.  I actually was rather interested in getting him to talk because although I believe he had been on at least 3 previous Mexico trips with me I didn't believe I knew him at all.

You know that 12 hours of conversations on the road trip down are not going to be recorded here.  Let's just agree to say that they were all interesting.  Some of them were spiritual, we discussed baptism and the different beliefs some denominations have about whether or not you should be baptized.  Some of them were secular, we discussed our hobbies and how we got interested in them.  We played games, we napped and we laughed.  We stopped for lunch and gas and various other things (it was a 12 hour trip).  We finally arrived at the dorms, unloaded the truck and headed out for dinner.



We stopped for ice cream on the way back to the dorms.  I had of cone of mango and chamoya flavored ice cream.  I'm not sure what chamoya is other than interesting tasting.

Once back at the dorms we had our orientation meeting and then we were free for the balance of the evening.  I tossed and turned on my bunk for an hour before taking a sleeping aid.  Big mistake, I was groggy the first half of Friday.

Friday morning followed the usual pattern, up at 6:30, devotions from 7 to 7:30, breakfast 7:30 till 8, then everyone heads to the meeting room fore worship and a message by Eddie.  Friday Eddie taught on Mark 10:17 - 45.  Starting with the rich young man and going throught the request of  James and John.  The one thing he said that really stuck in my mind is, "The cross means you have no future plans."  In those days, once anyone was sentenced to crucifixion they could not avoid it.  There was no future for them.  Once it was decided Jesus was to be crucified there was no other road for Him.  Now we can debate who made the decision but the bottom line is that once He was handed over to be crucified there was no other outcome possible.  Once you and I determine to take up our crosses and follow Him there is only one path open to us, His path.  Our wants, our wills, our desires are no longer our future.  Our future is determined by God's will for us.  Okay, we can quibble over little details, like occasional bits of rebelliousness and sin, but the bottom line is that when we hand our lives over to Him, they are no longer our lives.  They are His to do with as He pleases.  There's more I'm still digesting.  As usual, Eddie's message was very thought provoking.

After Eddie's message we were broken into our teams.  I was on team 5 with Marty and Jordan Flores, their frend Teresa and her son as well as Jim House, Julie Steele, Serena, Ron Kelly and some other folks whose names escape me right now.  We were building for Jesus and Graciela and their 6 children aged 3, 5, 7, 9, 12 and 15.  Their plot was way out above Rosarita Beach so it took us almost an hour to drive there.  We were only building them a 12x12 house because on 12/7 they were going to have a second 12x12 built and it would be attached to the first one for a two room structure.  Jesus owns a taco stand, Graciela helps him in it.

We quickly got to work.  Jesus took great pride in helping us as we built his home.  This was a good thing as I was unable to be the usual "powerhouse" I normally am (Marty's description, not mine).  I did mark 2x4s for cutting and figured out a way to hammer but didn't saw at all.  I was painting till I dropped the roller in the dirt and weeds so I was shooed off to play with the kids.






Actually I started by taking pictures of Jim and Julie playing jump rope with the kids.


Then Jim and I played frisbee with them for a while.  The kids had a blast, I was exhausted chasing the frisbee all over the mountainside.  Pretty soon it was lunchtime.  We had spicy foil wrapped chicken, rice, beans and an awesome chili verde sauce.  The lady who prepared it told us it was oil, tomatillos, avocado, onion, garlic, salt and chilies.  Yum!  I had seconds of that poured over my rice.  We also had a beverage made from canteloupe, my favorite!

After lunch we finished the house pretty quickly.  Jesus and  most of his kids went up on the roof to nail down the roofing paper.


While I was preparing the nail for the door latch inside Ron Kelly thought I was trying to remove the nail.  He came along and pulled it out for me.  That did give us a few laughs.  We also had some challenges hanging the door but soon it was time to mount the doorknob and hang the plaque.

Jesus thanked us profusely for blessing his family with a new home.   



We stopped on the hilltop near the beach to take pictures on the way back to the dorm.



Then we went back to the dorms to reload the trucks.  We then headed out to the world's best showers, tacos and ice cream.  I never was so happy to see my bunk in all my trips down there.  I slept like a log for 4 hours...


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Mexico

What an awesome trip!  We finally got home about 6:30, oops! 5:30 Sunday evening.  There was a time change in there somewhere.  I went straight to bed and even slept Monday evening after work.  I had a date last night, (my first post-Wayne) and so probably won't be able to blog about Mexico till Thursday (Bible study tonight).  Besides, I'm still processing a lot of stuff...

God is an awesome God!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Thursday Morning @ 4:22 a.m.

Why am I awake?  Because in just over 90 minutes we are headed off to Mexico.  I will see you all (both of you followers and all you casual visitors) again upon my return on Sunday.  In the meantime, may God bless you and those you love, and even your enemies...  :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

5:30 already???

It's been a long night.  I tossed and turned for most of it.  I haven't been sleeping well, a lot on my mind.  I should be grateful that I have a warm and dry place to sleep.  Instead I am moaning and groaning about the fact that I am sleeping alone.  I am crying over the fact that I want to be married, not just a notch on some guy's belt.  I don't understand why I have this desire on my heart if everytime I get remotely close to that goal I get dumped.  And each successive time it gets worse and worse.  I love so deeply and completely that each breakup is like an amputation.  The pain is so intense, even after almost a month.  Is it any wonder I am afraid to admit that I love?  It's not his fault.  I am the defective one.

The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico.  By this time next week 10 families will have new homes.  That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord!  A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy.  I just hope that I am up for the task.  I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before.  I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.

Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness.  Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You.  Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery.  Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself.  I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is.  I submit to Your will, O Lord.  Show me the path You desire for me to walk. 

Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love.  Please keep them safe, healthy and happy.  Watch over them as they go about their days.  Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them.  Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You.  I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones.  You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You.  What a wonderous gift!

Monday, November 1, 2010

True Intimacy

Posted by a friend of mine on Facebook today.  This is what I am looking for.  This is what I thought I had.

Intimacy is the defining point of when God says "one flesh" and to "cleave" to one another. The physical intimacy is something anyone can give, it is simply the union of the body. It is the union of the spirit that true intimacy gives.The knowledge of each other and desiring to not just be a part, but a whole, complete in that knowledge.

Where the responses are instant and deep, true and honest, transparent and clear, where the joy is complete in one to the other.

That when they enter the room a light shines in your soul.

You long for their touch, to hear their voice, to find comfort in their nearness and oneness in their presence. To be filled with an ecstacy that transcends the physical, to place of oneness that can not be described — but only felt. Where the laughter is often, and the tears few. Where each mile together is a journey of joy, and truly you are only a single sojourner together, inseparable, one. When you look into each others eyes you see the brilliance and fire of who they are, and are humbled that they have chosen you to share life with, to share those secret places together, and become part of the melody of their hearts.

You become each others song.

The physical becomes a unity of pleasure, not in and of the act, but in and of the lack of boundaries, of overcoming the separation ,and coming together in a harmony of joy that sex is just an empty shadow of in comparison. Where the act of just "being" is so intensely sweet, that it can only be held for a moment in time, but an eternity in memory. The two become one, fused in a bond of love that reaches the throne of heaven.

When you have true intimacy you have found a treasure beyond hope, a gift beyond price, and joy beyond what the heart can hold.

In that, never let go....


Thank you Jonathan Payne, those are beautiful words.

God is faithful, He has plans for me, maybe not the ones I believed He had for me but good plans nonetheless. Plans that don't involve a man who doesn't have the balls to call me up and say, "I'm breaking up with you because..." Plans that don't involve a man too afraid to be my friend even after the romance is over.  Plans that involve a true Christian man.  Plans that do involve a man with a spine.  Plans to prosper and not harm me.  I can't wait to find out what those plans are.

counting down

So yesterday I went to the Mexico meeting at church.  Over half of the 50+ people going to Mexico this trip are first timers.  I pray that they are bitten with the Missions bug the way I was.  Also going on this trip are Jeff Kreiser, our Pastor of Outreach & Extension.  Jeff is taking a small group he recently formed, middle school boys, called Future Missionarys.  The thought is giving them a taste of missions now will have them thinking about missions as they grow and mature. 

I have a few other friends going on this trip, some old and some new.  I look forward to spending time with them, on the work sites, in the van travelling back and forth and in the Word.  Adonna and I met last year when we drove to San Francisco to work with City Impact.  This year we will be doing both Mexico and City Impact together.  I look forward to getting to know her even better.

Well, it's time to start my day.  I have a mission field at work, too.