Thursday, December 9, 2010
Kody
I've been working diligently the last 4 weeks to bring Kody home to live with me. First he had to get well and then we had to be sure he would be a good fit with the other residents of the house. I finally got the phone call yesterday that Kody was well and could come home yesterday afternoon. Everyone in the house loves him! He is settling in well. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord! I pray this is a blessing for everyone involved.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
picture
this is my latest project. it's not done yet, I thought it was for a while but it needs more work.
10 Gallons
I have a standing appointment every other Saturday morning to donate platelets at the local blood bank. I have been questioned several times about why I do this, let's just say it's something I believe in and something I will do as often as I can until I'm told I can't any longer. Anyways, I was looking down at the little slip of paper they gave me (I get one like it on every visit) that has all the little details they feel is important for me to have each visit. This paper has phone numbers in case I get sick, my blood pressure, my blood type, all sorts of tidbits. It also has the number of times I've donated. When I commented on the number to the nurse she looked at it and said, "Yeah, your next visit will be your 10 gallon donation."
10 gallons? I don't know about you but if I line 10 one gallon jugs of milk up in a line I think that's a lot of milk. It was easy enough to do, I just sit in a chair for 90 minutes to 2 hours while I watch a movie. They hook me up to a machine that does all the work. I can see just about any movie I want and I don't have to pay $10.50 to see it. Then they feed me. What a deal!
It saves lives everyday. I have a friend whose life was saved by a platelet donation. It's so easy to do I don't understand why more people don't do it (aside from medical restrictions and fear of needles).
I know why I do it, that's the important part for me.
10 gallons? I don't know about you but if I line 10 one gallon jugs of milk up in a line I think that's a lot of milk. It was easy enough to do, I just sit in a chair for 90 minutes to 2 hours while I watch a movie. They hook me up to a machine that does all the work. I can see just about any movie I want and I don't have to pay $10.50 to see it. Then they feed me. What a deal!
It saves lives everyday. I have a friend whose life was saved by a platelet donation. It's so easy to do I don't understand why more people don't do it (aside from medical restrictions and fear of needles).
I know why I do it, that's the important part for me.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
American Diabetes Association's Tour de Cure
I have signed up to ride in the Tour de Cure again. God willing I will be riding my bike 100 miles on April 30th to raise funds for the ADA. Many members of my family have diabetes, this is a cause close to my heart. If you'd like to donate, let me know, I can direct you to my link. :)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Day
Well, here in the US today is Thanksgiving Day. For many people, maybe even most people, it is a day to celebrate gluttony, a day to overeat and over indulge. I cannot say that I haven't done the same in the past. However, the last 2 years I have done things differently. Actually, I started doing things differently several years ago.
I have not always had the easiest of lives and have spent many years struggling, physically and emotionally to be sure but I have had the greatest struggles financially. Being a single mother with three children to raise was not an easy task and to have my ex-husband decide that I didn't deserve child support only served to make matters worse. It didn't matter that the child support was really for his children and it didn't matter that the courts said he had to pay me the support, he decided he wasn't going to pay me and so he didn't. I know there are laws on the books to "force" deadbeat dads to pay support but there are ways around those laws if you look hard enough. My ex found a woman gullible enough to support him enabling him to avoid holding down a job. I understand he sells stuff on eBay but I guess the courts haven't figured out a way to attach that income yet.
Many years ago I decided my peace of mind was more important than fighting with him about the money so I turned it all over to the District Attorney and am grateful every month when they manage to collect $50 from my ex's girlfriend. The support order was for $450 per month per child. My children are long past 18 now so all he owes me is arrears and interest, last time I checked (several years ago) that amount was in excess of $120K. I'll never see it.
But this post is not about past due child support. The past due support just lays the background for my first hand knowledge of less than ideal circumstances in life. I will never complain about having to do without. This may sound strange but I thank God for the first few years after my divorce, the lean years of my life. Those years taught me about gratitude and how important it is. My children and I never did without. God used my family and friends and sometimes even government agencies to ensure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our backs. They even went as far as ensuring there were gifts under the tree at Christmas time. There were many occasions I was unable to provide for my children but I didn't have to. I just needed to rest in the embrace of my loving father in Heaven. I fully acknowledge how undeserving I was and still am of those blessings bestowed upon my children and me in those years. I am so grateful the Lord provided for us. I also acknowledge that there are many, many people in this world who are not as blessed.
After a few years of regular employment and a steady income I began to pull myself out of debt and was able to provide for my children and myself. I sometimes wonder if I was too prideful on occasion telling the agencies to please bless other families more needy than ours. It just made more sense to me when I could finally take care of my family on my own. It's not that I didn't want the help, I just knew that there were other families more needy than ours.
One Thanksgiving not long after that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. It was about a week before the holiday and no one had invited us to share the meal with them yet. My apartment (and budget) was much too small for more than one or two guests so I felt unable to invite anyone to share with us. I trudged to the grocery store and purchased a small turkey and all the fixings for our dinner. I must confess, I was a little resentful of my family and the fellowship I felt we were deliberately being left out of. (Long story, a whole 'nother post entirely.) I was working at that time, a job where I routinely put in 10 to 12 hours a day, which didn't leave me a lot of time for cooking. Late Tuesday evening I finally got a call from my mother, inviting us to spend Thanksgiving with her and my step-father. Of course I accepted.
Now realistically I could have put the turkey and all the fixings into my freezer and/or cupboards and saved them for a future date with my oven. Considering my finances I probably should have, but I knew that the last minute phone call was a blessing from God, the invitation really came from Him. Therefore, I needed to react to it in the manner to which He called me. That meant that the kids and I packed up all that food and drove it to Samaritan House, the nearest ministry accepting donations for feeding the poor and homeless. A new Thanksgiving tradition was started for my children and me. Beginning that year, every time my children and I had the opportunity, we purchased 2 dinners for the holiday, one for ourselves and one to give away. Or, on the few occasions we were invited to share the holiday meal with someone, we purchased just the one to give away.
I've since stopped sharing holiday meals with my family and my children have grown and are now celebrating on their own. They are at a time in their lives where they believe they know more and are smarter than their mother. They believe I am overly religious and bigoted to boot. My children are good people, they are just misguided. This means I now celebrate the holidays on my own. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I am a very social person and can only tolerate limited quantities of alone time. This holiday is especially tough after the recent breakup of my romantic relationship.
A few years ago our church forged a partnership with a ministry in San Francisco's Tenderloin district. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with San Francisco, this is an extremely poor section of town, populated by people who are usually invisible in our society, the poor and the homeless. Many of the Tenderloin's residents are there because of poor choices in their lives: addictions, alcoholism, prostitution, whatever the choice may be. Many of the residents are there because of financial constraints or maybe they are immigrants who cannot afford better housing or don't speak enough language to acquire better accommodations. No matter why they are there it is an often overlooked part of town.
Last year I joined the team from my church who drove down to San Francisco to deliver warm meals and groceries to the residents of the Tenderloin. This year I joined the team again. I do it out of obedience. Jesus calls me to do it out of love for His brothers and sisters in Him. I wrote more in detail about this event last year. I am exhausted so I will not repeat the story this year. However, there were a few things that happened that made this year unique from last year. I may write about those tomorrow.
I have not always had the easiest of lives and have spent many years struggling, physically and emotionally to be sure but I have had the greatest struggles financially. Being a single mother with three children to raise was not an easy task and to have my ex-husband decide that I didn't deserve child support only served to make matters worse. It didn't matter that the child support was really for his children and it didn't matter that the courts said he had to pay me the support, he decided he wasn't going to pay me and so he didn't. I know there are laws on the books to "force" deadbeat dads to pay support but there are ways around those laws if you look hard enough. My ex found a woman gullible enough to support him enabling him to avoid holding down a job. I understand he sells stuff on eBay but I guess the courts haven't figured out a way to attach that income yet.
Many years ago I decided my peace of mind was more important than fighting with him about the money so I turned it all over to the District Attorney and am grateful every month when they manage to collect $50 from my ex's girlfriend. The support order was for $450 per month per child. My children are long past 18 now so all he owes me is arrears and interest, last time I checked (several years ago) that amount was in excess of $120K. I'll never see it.
But this post is not about past due child support. The past due support just lays the background for my first hand knowledge of less than ideal circumstances in life. I will never complain about having to do without. This may sound strange but I thank God for the first few years after my divorce, the lean years of my life. Those years taught me about gratitude and how important it is. My children and I never did without. God used my family and friends and sometimes even government agencies to ensure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our backs. They even went as far as ensuring there were gifts under the tree at Christmas time. There were many occasions I was unable to provide for my children but I didn't have to. I just needed to rest in the embrace of my loving father in Heaven. I fully acknowledge how undeserving I was and still am of those blessings bestowed upon my children and me in those years. I am so grateful the Lord provided for us. I also acknowledge that there are many, many people in this world who are not as blessed.
After a few years of regular employment and a steady income I began to pull myself out of debt and was able to provide for my children and myself. I sometimes wonder if I was too prideful on occasion telling the agencies to please bless other families more needy than ours. It just made more sense to me when I could finally take care of my family on my own. It's not that I didn't want the help, I just knew that there were other families more needy than ours.
One Thanksgiving not long after that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. It was about a week before the holiday and no one had invited us to share the meal with them yet. My apartment (and budget) was much too small for more than one or two guests so I felt unable to invite anyone to share with us. I trudged to the grocery store and purchased a small turkey and all the fixings for our dinner. I must confess, I was a little resentful of my family and the fellowship I felt we were deliberately being left out of. (Long story, a whole 'nother post entirely.) I was working at that time, a job where I routinely put in 10 to 12 hours a day, which didn't leave me a lot of time for cooking. Late Tuesday evening I finally got a call from my mother, inviting us to spend Thanksgiving with her and my step-father. Of course I accepted.
Now realistically I could have put the turkey and all the fixings into my freezer and/or cupboards and saved them for a future date with my oven. Considering my finances I probably should have, but I knew that the last minute phone call was a blessing from God, the invitation really came from Him. Therefore, I needed to react to it in the manner to which He called me. That meant that the kids and I packed up all that food and drove it to Samaritan House, the nearest ministry accepting donations for feeding the poor and homeless. A new Thanksgiving tradition was started for my children and me. Beginning that year, every time my children and I had the opportunity, we purchased 2 dinners for the holiday, one for ourselves and one to give away. Or, on the few occasions we were invited to share the holiday meal with someone, we purchased just the one to give away.
I've since stopped sharing holiday meals with my family and my children have grown and are now celebrating on their own. They are at a time in their lives where they believe they know more and are smarter than their mother. They believe I am overly religious and bigoted to boot. My children are good people, they are just misguided. This means I now celebrate the holidays on my own. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I am a very social person and can only tolerate limited quantities of alone time. This holiday is especially tough after the recent breakup of my romantic relationship.
A few years ago our church forged a partnership with a ministry in San Francisco's Tenderloin district. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with San Francisco, this is an extremely poor section of town, populated by people who are usually invisible in our society, the poor and the homeless. Many of the Tenderloin's residents are there because of poor choices in their lives: addictions, alcoholism, prostitution, whatever the choice may be. Many of the residents are there because of financial constraints or maybe they are immigrants who cannot afford better housing or don't speak enough language to acquire better accommodations. No matter why they are there it is an often overlooked part of town.
Last year I joined the team from my church who drove down to San Francisco to deliver warm meals and groceries to the residents of the Tenderloin. This year I joined the team again. I do it out of obedience. Jesus calls me to do it out of love for His brothers and sisters in Him. I wrote more in detail about this event last year. I am exhausted so I will not repeat the story this year. However, there were a few things that happened that made this year unique from last year. I may write about those tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What A Week! - Part 4
If you read my posts about my trip to Mexico it sounds like it was a very secular trip. I made very little mention of the spiritual side of the trip other than morning devotions and Eddie and Brandon's messages in the morning. And I know I even made Brandon's sound like a commercial interruption. That really isn't the case. Right after breakfast on Friday and Saturday mornings we all filed into the big meeting room upstairs and had a time of worship. Eddie gives us a hard time about paying attention to the lyrics we are singing but he does join in with us. Ever since he started doing that I have been paying attention. If you sing, "break my heart for what breaks yours" to Jesus you better mean it. In my opinion, worship is prayer set to music. It is a conversation with God and you shouldn't sing something you don't mean.
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
What a week! - Part 3
Sunday morning arrived too early. I was still having problems sleeping, the bunk was hard and the weather too warm. It was 103 in Tijuana on Thursday as we drove down and only slightly cooler on Friday and Saturday. Sunday was expected to be cooler because there was rain in the forecast. It still didn't help me sleep on Saturday night, though. I tossed and turned most of the night and woke up about 3 feeling as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to my back.
Finally 5:30 arrived. We were getting up earlier than normal so that we could get to the border early. After grabbing a cup of tea and rolling up my sleeping bag I also helped with chores around the dorm. We had to sweep and/or vacuum all the rooms and clean the bathrooms. We also cleaned up the kitchen and ensured all the water containers were filled. We carried trash and relined cans. We also tended to Diane and four of the kids since they woke up feeling quite ill.
Eventually all the vehicles were packed and ready to go. We said our goodbyes to the staff that got up to see us off and then loaded ourselves up and started down the road. We actually left the dorms about 6:20, the earliest I ever remember leaving. The true test would be the lines at the border.
One of the things they tell us in the Saturday evening meeting is not to joke with the border guards because they do not have a sense of humor. And generally I have seen that to be true. The guards take thier jobs quite seriously and joking with them can cause delays in getting back across the border. This trip was an exception, though. Kirk had only decided to come on this trip at the last minute therefore he did not have his passport. He just hadn't ever applied for one before because he had never needed one before. Although we were all supposed to have a passport in order to return to the states Diane had assured Kirk he could get home with just his birth certificate and drivers' license. He was really sweating it as we pulled up to the guard booth. We had been teasing him all the while we sat in line about making a run for the border. Adonna, Stephen and I all had our passports so we told Kirk he needed to run on foot so that we could drive across, after all we didn't need to get shot in a hail of bullets, we had our passports. It was general hilarity in the truck until we got to the guard booth.
"Where you headed?"
"Folsom, California, sir." For those who may not know, there is a rather famous penitentiary there.
"Ah, headed back to jail now, are ya?"
Kirk slumps down in his seat and gives a nervous chuckle.
"May I see your passports?"
"Well, you see, this is where the prison might come into the picture here."
The guard was actually quite nice about it, he did lecture Kirk and admonished him to get his passport but he let us through with several chuckles and a smile. We caught up with the rest of our group at the McDonald's on the American side of the border and after counting noses to ensure everyone got through we hit the road for the Sacramento/Folsom area.
The drive home was as pleasant as the way down. We played a few word games again, proving I have quite an extensive vocabulary. We talked more with Stephen about his plans for the future, agreeing that we could all see him as an emergency room doctor due to his calm demeanor. Finally, 12 hours after leaving El Florido we rolled into the church parking lot. We were home.
Finally 5:30 arrived. We were getting up earlier than normal so that we could get to the border early. After grabbing a cup of tea and rolling up my sleeping bag I also helped with chores around the dorm. We had to sweep and/or vacuum all the rooms and clean the bathrooms. We also cleaned up the kitchen and ensured all the water containers were filled. We carried trash and relined cans. We also tended to Diane and four of the kids since they woke up feeling quite ill.
Eventually all the vehicles were packed and ready to go. We said our goodbyes to the staff that got up to see us off and then loaded ourselves up and started down the road. We actually left the dorms about 6:20, the earliest I ever remember leaving. The true test would be the lines at the border.
One of the things they tell us in the Saturday evening meeting is not to joke with the border guards because they do not have a sense of humor. And generally I have seen that to be true. The guards take thier jobs quite seriously and joking with them can cause delays in getting back across the border. This trip was an exception, though. Kirk had only decided to come on this trip at the last minute therefore he did not have his passport. He just hadn't ever applied for one before because he had never needed one before. Although we were all supposed to have a passport in order to return to the states Diane had assured Kirk he could get home with just his birth certificate and drivers' license. He was really sweating it as we pulled up to the guard booth. We had been teasing him all the while we sat in line about making a run for the border. Adonna, Stephen and I all had our passports so we told Kirk he needed to run on foot so that we could drive across, after all we didn't need to get shot in a hail of bullets, we had our passports. It was general hilarity in the truck until we got to the guard booth.
"Where you headed?"
"Folsom, California, sir." For those who may not know, there is a rather famous penitentiary there.
"Ah, headed back to jail now, are ya?"
Kirk slumps down in his seat and gives a nervous chuckle.
"May I see your passports?"
"Well, you see, this is where the prison might come into the picture here."
The guard was actually quite nice about it, he did lecture Kirk and admonished him to get his passport but he let us through with several chuckles and a smile. We caught up with the rest of our group at the McDonald's on the American side of the border and after counting noses to ensure everyone got through we hit the road for the Sacramento/Folsom area.
The drive home was as pleasant as the way down. We played a few word games again, proving I have quite an extensive vocabulary. We talked more with Stephen about his plans for the future, agreeing that we could all see him as an emergency room doctor due to his calm demeanor. Finally, 12 hours after leaving El Florido we rolled into the church parking lot. We were home.
Monday, November 15, 2010
What a Week! - Part 2
I never sleep well in Mexico. The bunks are hard, the neighborhood is noisy, some of the women snore and/or talk in their sleep. And the bunks are noisy! They really are little more than plywood platforms with thin foam pads for a semblance of mattresses. Whenever someone tosses and turns or gets up or lays down the bunks creak and groan. I can also usually hear one or more of the guys snore from across the hall. The roosters start up about 3:30 every morning and the traffic is constant, horns, people, circuses. Nope, I rarely sleep well in Mexico.
Saturday morning arrived much too early. I woke with a sinus headache due to all the dust in the air. I wandered down to the kitchen to search out a cup of tea.
Tea in hand I mananged to make it through devotionals and breakfast. By 8 I was ready to stumble into the meeting room on time and oin in with singing praises to our Lord. The woman who regularly leads our trips to Mexico has put together a book of songs we sing while in Mexico. It has some of my favorites in it. Some we sing in rounds, some we sing in parts, all of them we sing concious of the words we are singing and the impact those words can and do have on our lives. Eddie has given more than one message on watching the words we sing to the Lord. If we sing that we are giving Him our "All in All" we had better really be giving Him our All in All. Eddie can say it in a more convicting manner than I do.
Saturday's message was delivered by a young man maned Brandon Buser. If you been reading my blog for any amount of time you may have noted 2 previous guest speakers in Mexico, Brad and Brooks Buser. They are Brandon's father and brother, respectively. Brad raised Brooks and Brandon in Papua New Guinea while he was a missionary to the Iteri people. When Brooks and Brandon were grown they each made the decision to return to Papua New Guinea as well, Brooks as a missionary to the Yembi Yembi people and Brandon to the Biem people. More information regarding this amazing family can be found all over the web. I just plugged "Buser Papua New Guinea" into Google and got a plethoria of hits. Brandon shared with us his current update. Eddie made a pitch for funds for Brandon and his family. A boat is needed for their return trip to the Biem people. Part of the journey must be done by boat, it's a 6 hour trip across a section of water that more than once has claimed all their supplies. A new boat sufficient for their needs will cost close to $80,000.00.
Saturday's build assignment found me on the team with Mike and Diane Slusher and Eddie Passmore. I love building with them, Mike and Diane especially. Building with Eddie is a study in contradictions. He is always telling us to slow down and interact with the families more but he himself powers through the job with blazing speeds. Still, we were able to get Saturday's house built quickly and still have plenty of time for interaction.
Lunch that day was totally awesome Vera Cruz tamales with steak ranchera and rice. The family was shyer than Friday's family so we were unable to get their names (our Spanish sometimes leaves a lot to be desired as well). We we able to determine they had only one child but there were plenty in the neighborhood and they all wanted to help. At one point I was laughing at the guys on the site, they each had a small flock of little boys following them, much like the Pied Piper. Anyways, once she had fed all the "grupos" the mom of our family also fed all the kids in the neighborhood. It was a very touching sight to see.
We built a 12x16 house for the family that day but the family had requested only one window due to the amount of wind that location received. About halfway through the day the father requested a second door for easier access to the "bano" he was having built. The challenge was, the wall he wanted the door in was already up and painted. As usual, we were able to rise to the occassion and get the job done.
Since this was an "Eddie" team we fot the house completed in record time, even with the added door challenge. All to soon we were saying goodbye to the family and headed back to the dorms.
Once back at the dorms we found the jewelry ladies setting up shop. As usual I had to buy a few trinkets for myself to remember the trip by.
We didn't have to reload trucks that afternoon as there wasn't going to be a build the next day.
After showers, dinner and ice ceram we once again met in the upstairs room where we had a "de-briefing" meeting. Eddie loves to hear stories from the builds, especially from the first timers. Then we got down to business discussing the logistics of traveling home the next day. I went back to my bunk to pack up as much as I could to make Sunday morning as quick and painless as possible.
Saturday morning arrived much too early. I woke with a sinus headache due to all the dust in the air. I wandered down to the kitchen to search out a cup of tea.
Tea in hand I mananged to make it through devotionals and breakfast. By 8 I was ready to stumble into the meeting room on time and oin in with singing praises to our Lord. The woman who regularly leads our trips to Mexico has put together a book of songs we sing while in Mexico. It has some of my favorites in it. Some we sing in rounds, some we sing in parts, all of them we sing concious of the words we are singing and the impact those words can and do have on our lives. Eddie has given more than one message on watching the words we sing to the Lord. If we sing that we are giving Him our "All in All" we had better really be giving Him our All in All. Eddie can say it in a more convicting manner than I do.
Saturday's message was delivered by a young man maned Brandon Buser. If you been reading my blog for any amount of time you may have noted 2 previous guest speakers in Mexico, Brad and Brooks Buser. They are Brandon's father and brother, respectively. Brad raised Brooks and Brandon in Papua New Guinea while he was a missionary to the Iteri people. When Brooks and Brandon were grown they each made the decision to return to Papua New Guinea as well, Brooks as a missionary to the Yembi Yembi people and Brandon to the Biem people. More information regarding this amazing family can be found all over the web. I just plugged "Buser Papua New Guinea" into Google and got a plethoria of hits. Brandon shared with us his current update. Eddie made a pitch for funds for Brandon and his family. A boat is needed for their return trip to the Biem people. Part of the journey must be done by boat, it's a 6 hour trip across a section of water that more than once has claimed all their supplies. A new boat sufficient for their needs will cost close to $80,000.00.
Saturday's build assignment found me on the team with Mike and Diane Slusher and Eddie Passmore. I love building with them, Mike and Diane especially. Building with Eddie is a study in contradictions. He is always telling us to slow down and interact with the families more but he himself powers through the job with blazing speeds. Still, we were able to get Saturday's house built quickly and still have plenty of time for interaction.
Lunch that day was totally awesome Vera Cruz tamales with steak ranchera and rice. The family was shyer than Friday's family so we were unable to get their names (our Spanish sometimes leaves a lot to be desired as well). We we able to determine they had only one child but there were plenty in the neighborhood and they all wanted to help. At one point I was laughing at the guys on the site, they each had a small flock of little boys following them, much like the Pied Piper. Anyways, once she had fed all the "grupos" the mom of our family also fed all the kids in the neighborhood. It was a very touching sight to see.
We built a 12x16 house for the family that day but the family had requested only one window due to the amount of wind that location received. About halfway through the day the father requested a second door for easier access to the "bano" he was having built. The challenge was, the wall he wanted the door in was already up and painted. As usual, we were able to rise to the occassion and get the job done.
Since this was an "Eddie" team we fot the house completed in record time, even with the added door challenge. All to soon we were saying goodbye to the family and headed back to the dorms.
Once back at the dorms we found the jewelry ladies setting up shop. As usual I had to buy a few trinkets for myself to remember the trip by.
We didn't have to reload trucks that afternoon as there wasn't going to be a build the next day.
After showers, dinner and ice ceram we once again met in the upstairs room where we had a "de-briefing" meeting. Eddie loves to hear stories from the builds, especially from the first timers. Then we got down to business discussing the logistics of traveling home the next day. I went back to my bunk to pack up as much as I could to make Sunday morning as quick and painless as possible.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
What a week! - Part 1
OMGoodness! I can't believe that it is already Sunday evening. Then again, so much has happened this pat week that I can't believe it's only Sunday evening. Have you ever had a week like that? I feel as if I have been running from one thing to the next all week long. No time to rest or catch up in between. Well, I did rest on Monday evening...
Let's see, where to start? I believe I left off early Thursday morning, waking up at some unreasonably early hour so that I could be at church by 6:00 a.m. in order to drive down to Mexico...
So I arrived at the church just a couple of minutes after 6 a.m. As was the case in 8 out of the last 10 trips I was the first one there. But I wasn't alone for very long. People started trickling in and we soon had all the vehicles loaded with luggage and people and after a last bathroom break and a prayer we piled in the vehicles and began our journey.
My friend Adonna had invited her friend Kirk and he had volunteered to drive. So Diane had assigned both me and Stephen Kaspick to ride with Adonna and Kirk. Stephen and Adonna had both been on mission trips to Mexico before but Kirk was a newbie. Diane had let Adonna and me know that she wanted us to get Stephen talking, he's normally a very quiet man. I actually was rather interested in getting him to talk because although I believe he had been on at least 3 previous Mexico trips with me I didn't believe I knew him at all.
You know that 12 hours of conversations on the road trip down are not going to be recorded here. Let's just agree to say that they were all interesting. Some of them were spiritual, we discussed baptism and the different beliefs some denominations have about whether or not you should be baptized. Some of them were secular, we discussed our hobbies and how we got interested in them. We played games, we napped and we laughed. We stopped for lunch and gas and various other things (it was a 12 hour trip). We finally arrived at the dorms, unloaded the truck and headed out for dinner.
We stopped for ice cream on the way back to the dorms. I had of cone of mango and chamoya flavored ice cream. I'm not sure what chamoya is other than interesting tasting.
Once back at the dorms we had our orientation meeting and then we were free for the balance of the evening. I tossed and turned on my bunk for an hour before taking a sleeping aid. Big mistake, I was groggy the first half of Friday.
Friday morning followed the usual pattern, up at 6:30, devotions from 7 to 7:30, breakfast 7:30 till 8, then everyone heads to the meeting room fore worship and a message by Eddie. Friday Eddie taught on Mark 10:17 - 45. Starting with the rich young man and going throught the request of James and John. The one thing he said that really stuck in my mind is, "The cross means you have no future plans." In those days, once anyone was sentenced to crucifixion they could not avoid it. There was no future for them. Once it was decided Jesus was to be crucified there was no other road for Him. Now we can debate who made the decision but the bottom line is that once He was handed over to be crucified there was no other outcome possible. Once you and I determine to take up our crosses and follow Him there is only one path open to us, His path. Our wants, our wills, our desires are no longer our future. Our future is determined by God's will for us. Okay, we can quibble over little details, like occasional bits of rebelliousness and sin, but the bottom line is that when we hand our lives over to Him, they are no longer our lives. They are His to do with as He pleases. There's more I'm still digesting. As usual, Eddie's message was very thought provoking.
After Eddie's message we were broken into our teams. I was on team 5 with Marty and Jordan Flores, their frend Teresa and her son as well as Jim House, Julie Steele, Serena, Ron Kelly and some other folks whose names escape me right now. We were building for Jesus and Graciela and their 6 children aged 3, 5, 7, 9, 12 and 15. Their plot was way out above Rosarita Beach so it took us almost an hour to drive there. We were only building them a 12x12 house because on 12/7 they were going to have a second 12x12 built and it would be attached to the first one for a two room structure. Jesus owns a taco stand, Graciela helps him in it.
We quickly got to work. Jesus took great pride in helping us as we built his home. This was a good thing as I was unable to be the usual "powerhouse" I normally am (Marty's description, not mine). I did mark 2x4s for cutting and figured out a way to hammer but didn't saw at all. I was painting till I dropped the roller in the dirt and weeds so I was shooed off to play with the kids.
Actually I started by taking pictures of Jim and Julie playing jump rope with the kids.
Then Jim and I played frisbee with them for a while. The kids had a blast, I was exhausted chasing the frisbee all over the mountainside. Pretty soon it was lunchtime. We had spicy foil wrapped chicken, rice, beans and an awesome chili verde sauce. The lady who prepared it told us it was oil, tomatillos, avocado, onion, garlic, salt and chilies. Yum! I had seconds of that poured over my rice. We also had a beverage made from canteloupe, my favorite!
After lunch we finished the house pretty quickly. Jesus and most of his kids went up on the roof to nail down the roofing paper.
While I was preparing the nail for the door latch inside Ron Kelly thought I was trying to remove the nail. He came along and pulled it out for me. That did give us a few laughs. We also had some challenges hanging the door but soon it was time to mount the doorknob and hang the plaque.
Jesus thanked us profusely for blessing his family with a new home.
We stopped on the hilltop near the beach to take pictures on the way back to the dorm.
Let's see, where to start? I believe I left off early Thursday morning, waking up at some unreasonably early hour so that I could be at church by 6:00 a.m. in order to drive down to Mexico...
So I arrived at the church just a couple of minutes after 6 a.m. As was the case in 8 out of the last 10 trips I was the first one there. But I wasn't alone for very long. People started trickling in and we soon had all the vehicles loaded with luggage and people and after a last bathroom break and a prayer we piled in the vehicles and began our journey.
My friend Adonna had invited her friend Kirk and he had volunteered to drive. So Diane had assigned both me and Stephen Kaspick to ride with Adonna and Kirk. Stephen and Adonna had both been on mission trips to Mexico before but Kirk was a newbie. Diane had let Adonna and me know that she wanted us to get Stephen talking, he's normally a very quiet man. I actually was rather interested in getting him to talk because although I believe he had been on at least 3 previous Mexico trips with me I didn't believe I knew him at all.
You know that 12 hours of conversations on the road trip down are not going to be recorded here. Let's just agree to say that they were all interesting. Some of them were spiritual, we discussed baptism and the different beliefs some denominations have about whether or not you should be baptized. Some of them were secular, we discussed our hobbies and how we got interested in them. We played games, we napped and we laughed. We stopped for lunch and gas and various other things (it was a 12 hour trip). We finally arrived at the dorms, unloaded the truck and headed out for dinner.
We stopped for ice cream on the way back to the dorms. I had of cone of mango and chamoya flavored ice cream. I'm not sure what chamoya is other than interesting tasting.
Once back at the dorms we had our orientation meeting and then we were free for the balance of the evening. I tossed and turned on my bunk for an hour before taking a sleeping aid. Big mistake, I was groggy the first half of Friday.
Friday morning followed the usual pattern, up at 6:30, devotions from 7 to 7:30, breakfast 7:30 till 8, then everyone heads to the meeting room fore worship and a message by Eddie. Friday Eddie taught on Mark 10:17 - 45. Starting with the rich young man and going throught the request of James and John. The one thing he said that really stuck in my mind is, "The cross means you have no future plans." In those days, once anyone was sentenced to crucifixion they could not avoid it. There was no future for them. Once it was decided Jesus was to be crucified there was no other road for Him. Now we can debate who made the decision but the bottom line is that once He was handed over to be crucified there was no other outcome possible. Once you and I determine to take up our crosses and follow Him there is only one path open to us, His path. Our wants, our wills, our desires are no longer our future. Our future is determined by God's will for us. Okay, we can quibble over little details, like occasional bits of rebelliousness and sin, but the bottom line is that when we hand our lives over to Him, they are no longer our lives. They are His to do with as He pleases. There's more I'm still digesting. As usual, Eddie's message was very thought provoking.
After Eddie's message we were broken into our teams. I was on team 5 with Marty and Jordan Flores, their frend Teresa and her son as well as Jim House, Julie Steele, Serena, Ron Kelly and some other folks whose names escape me right now. We were building for Jesus and Graciela and their 6 children aged 3, 5, 7, 9, 12 and 15. Their plot was way out above Rosarita Beach so it took us almost an hour to drive there. We were only building them a 12x12 house because on 12/7 they were going to have a second 12x12 built and it would be attached to the first one for a two room structure. Jesus owns a taco stand, Graciela helps him in it.
We quickly got to work. Jesus took great pride in helping us as we built his home. This was a good thing as I was unable to be the usual "powerhouse" I normally am (Marty's description, not mine). I did mark 2x4s for cutting and figured out a way to hammer but didn't saw at all. I was painting till I dropped the roller in the dirt and weeds so I was shooed off to play with the kids.
Actually I started by taking pictures of Jim and Julie playing jump rope with the kids.
Then Jim and I played frisbee with them for a while. The kids had a blast, I was exhausted chasing the frisbee all over the mountainside. Pretty soon it was lunchtime. We had spicy foil wrapped chicken, rice, beans and an awesome chili verde sauce. The lady who prepared it told us it was oil, tomatillos, avocado, onion, garlic, salt and chilies. Yum! I had seconds of that poured over my rice. We also had a beverage made from canteloupe, my favorite!
After lunch we finished the house pretty quickly. Jesus and most of his kids went up on the roof to nail down the roofing paper.
While I was preparing the nail for the door latch inside Ron Kelly thought I was trying to remove the nail. He came along and pulled it out for me. That did give us a few laughs. We also had some challenges hanging the door but soon it was time to mount the doorknob and hang the plaque.
Jesus thanked us profusely for blessing his family with a new home.
We stopped on the hilltop near the beach to take pictures on the way back to the dorm.
Then we went back to the dorms to reload the trucks. We then headed out to the world's best showers, tacos and ice cream. I never was so happy to see my bunk in all my trips down there. I slept like a log for 4 hours...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Mexico
What an awesome trip! We finally got home about 6:30, oops! 5:30 Sunday evening. There was a time change in there somewhere. I went straight to bed and even slept Monday evening after work. I had a date last night, (my first post-Wayne) and so probably won't be able to blog about Mexico till Thursday (Bible study tonight). Besides, I'm still processing a lot of stuff...
God is an awesome God!
God is an awesome God!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thursday Morning @ 4:22 a.m.
Why am I awake? Because in just over 90 minutes we are headed off to Mexico. I will see you all (both of you followers and all you casual visitors) again upon my return on Sunday. In the meantime, may God bless you and those you love, and even your enemies... :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
5:30 already???
It's been a long night. I tossed and turned for most of it. I haven't been sleeping well, a lot on my mind. I should be grateful that I have a warm and dry place to sleep. Instead I am moaning and groaning about the fact that I am sleeping alone. I am crying over the fact that I want to be married, not just a notch on some guy's belt. I don't understand why I have this desire on my heart if everytime I get remotely close to that goal I get dumped. And each successive time it gets worse and worse. I love so deeply and completely that each breakup is like an amputation. The pain is so intense, even after almost a month. Is it any wonder I am afraid to admit that I love? It's not his fault. I am the defective one.
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
Monday, November 1, 2010
True Intimacy
Posted by a friend of mine on Facebook today. This is what I am looking for. This is what I thought I had.
Intimacy is the defining point of when God says "one flesh" and to "cleave" to one another. The physical intimacy is something anyone can give, it is simply the union of the body. It is the union of the spirit that true intimacy gives.The knowledge of each other and desiring to not just be a part, but a whole, complete in that knowledge.
Where the responses are instant and deep, true and honest, transparent and clear, where the joy is complete in one to the other.
That when they enter the room a light shines in your soul.
You long for their touch, to hear their voice, to find comfort in their nearness and oneness in their presence. To be filled with an ecstacy that transcends the physical, to place of oneness that can not be described — but only felt. Where the laughter is often, and the tears few. Where each mile together is a journey of joy, and truly you are only a single sojourner together, inseparable, one. When you look into each others eyes you see the brilliance and fire of who they are, and are humbled that they have chosen you to share life with, to share those secret places together, and become part of the melody of their hearts.
You become each others song.
The physical becomes a unity of pleasure, not in and of the act, but in and of the lack of boundaries, of overcoming the separation ,and coming together in a harmony of joy that sex is just an empty shadow of in comparison. Where the act of just "being" is so intensely sweet, that it can only be held for a moment in time, but an eternity in memory. The two become one, fused in a bond of love that reaches the throne of heaven.
When you have true intimacy you have found a treasure beyond hope, a gift beyond price, and joy beyond what the heart can hold.
In that, never let go....
Thank you Jonathan Payne, those are beautiful words.
God is faithful, He has plans for me, maybe not the ones I believed He had for me but good plans nonetheless. Plans that don't involve a man who doesn't have the balls to call me up and say, "I'm breaking up with you because..." Plans that don't involve a man too afraid to be my friend even after the romance is over. Plans that involve a true Christian man. Plans that do involve a man with a spine. Plans to prosper and not harm me. I can't wait to find out what those plans are.
Intimacy is the defining point of when God says "one flesh" and to "cleave" to one another. The physical intimacy is something anyone can give, it is simply the union of the body. It is the union of the spirit that true intimacy gives.The knowledge of each other and desiring to not just be a part, but a whole, complete in that knowledge.
Where the responses are instant and deep, true and honest, transparent and clear, where the joy is complete in one to the other.
That when they enter the room a light shines in your soul.
You long for their touch, to hear their voice, to find comfort in their nearness and oneness in their presence. To be filled with an ecstacy that transcends the physical, to place of oneness that can not be described — but only felt. Where the laughter is often, and the tears few. Where each mile together is a journey of joy, and truly you are only a single sojourner together, inseparable, one. When you look into each others eyes you see the brilliance and fire of who they are, and are humbled that they have chosen you to share life with, to share those secret places together, and become part of the melody of their hearts.
You become each others song.
The physical becomes a unity of pleasure, not in and of the act, but in and of the lack of boundaries, of overcoming the separation ,and coming together in a harmony of joy that sex is just an empty shadow of in comparison. Where the act of just "being" is so intensely sweet, that it can only be held for a moment in time, but an eternity in memory. The two become one, fused in a bond of love that reaches the throne of heaven.
When you have true intimacy you have found a treasure beyond hope, a gift beyond price, and joy beyond what the heart can hold.
In that, never let go....
Thank you Jonathan Payne, those are beautiful words.
God is faithful, He has plans for me, maybe not the ones I believed He had for me but good plans nonetheless. Plans that don't involve a man who doesn't have the balls to call me up and say, "I'm breaking up with you because..." Plans that don't involve a man too afraid to be my friend even after the romance is over. Plans that involve a true Christian man. Plans that do involve a man with a spine. Plans to prosper and not harm me. I can't wait to find out what those plans are.
counting down
So yesterday I went to the Mexico meeting at church. Over half of the 50+ people going to Mexico this trip are first timers. I pray that they are bitten with the Missions bug the way I was. Also going on this trip are Jeff Kreiser, our Pastor of Outreach & Extension. Jeff is taking a small group he recently formed, middle school boys, called Future Missionarys. The thought is giving them a taste of missions now will have them thinking about missions as they grow and mature.
I have a few other friends going on this trip, some old and some new. I look forward to spending time with them, on the work sites, in the van travelling back and forth and in the Word. Adonna and I met last year when we drove to San Francisco to work with City Impact. This year we will be doing both Mexico and City Impact together. I look forward to getting to know her even better.
Well, it's time to start my day. I have a mission field at work, too.
I have a few other friends going on this trip, some old and some new. I look forward to spending time with them, on the work sites, in the van travelling back and forth and in the Word. Adonna and I met last year when we drove to San Francisco to work with City Impact. This year we will be doing both Mexico and City Impact together. I look forward to getting to know her even better.
Well, it's time to start my day. I have a mission field at work, too.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Freedom
I just have to praise God over and over and over again for the blessing of my new home.
When I was living with my son I was ashamed of that space. I was cramped and crowded and disorganized. I never invited anyone into my room because it was always such a mess. I wasn't just ashamed, I was deeply ashamed. People used to ask me about it and I tried to deflect them away from the topic. I think Wayne in particular was hurt by it. I never felt comfortable bringing guests into that home.
Already in my new space I am thinking about how wonderful it will be to have guests. I have spent the last 2 hours arranging my room and I am already much more comfortable here than I ever was in my son's apartment, even with scores of unpacked boxes. With such a great place to rest and recharge I will be able to face the days ahead with joy and thanksgiving, with the Lord's peace in my heart. I look forward to it.
When I was living with my son I was ashamed of that space. I was cramped and crowded and disorganized. I never invited anyone into my room because it was always such a mess. I wasn't just ashamed, I was deeply ashamed. People used to ask me about it and I tried to deflect them away from the topic. I think Wayne in particular was hurt by it. I never felt comfortable bringing guests into that home.
Already in my new space I am thinking about how wonderful it will be to have guests. I have spent the last 2 hours arranging my room and I am already much more comfortable here than I ever was in my son's apartment, even with scores of unpacked boxes. With such a great place to rest and recharge I will be able to face the days ahead with joy and thanksgiving, with the Lord's peace in my heart. I look forward to it.
Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
This morning I have this song running on a loop inside my brain. A large choir is singing it, something like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It is a large sound, booming yet joyous, something like this video I just found on YouTube...
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
This morning I have this song running on a loop inside my brain. A large choir is singing it, something like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It is a large sound, booming yet joyous, something like this video I just found on YouTube...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
My new home
So I just spent a large portion of this evening up at my new place chatting with my new landlord. I am so excited, I am moving in on Saturday! Dorothy was telling me about how she found the place and how she fell in love with it right away. She knew she just had to have it. Her husband was very ill so he didn't get to live there very long but she's lived there for 15 years. It's a huge place and she keeps it up with the help of her son and grandson. I'll have my own private entrance and my deck is fenced off so that I can keep the dog there, and in my room. There's a creek, 2 ponds and a swimming pool. I can see all of them from my deck.
Dorothy is also a Christian. She was telling me this evening how she came to know Christ. You could see the joy radiating off her face. She has a sweet, sweet smile. She told me I will find peace there, peace and happiness. I believe her. I left there over an hour ago and I can still feel the peace that seeped into my soul as we visited this evening.
And of course, the walls in her home are covered with her paintings. Like me she finds simple joy in colors. She has hundreds of books on painting she has told me to feel free to peruse. It will be a joy.
I believe God led me to the perfect place for rest and healing. In no time at all I should feel refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world again, but I believe I am going to hold onto this place as my little sanctuary. I know God and I will be sharing many joyous hours there.
Dorothy is also a Christian. She was telling me this evening how she came to know Christ. You could see the joy radiating off her face. She has a sweet, sweet smile. She told me I will find peace there, peace and happiness. I believe her. I left there over an hour ago and I can still feel the peace that seeped into my soul as we visited this evening.
And of course, the walls in her home are covered with her paintings. Like me she finds simple joy in colors. She has hundreds of books on painting she has told me to feel free to peruse. It will be a joy.
I believe God led me to the perfect place for rest and healing. In no time at all I should feel refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world again, but I believe I am going to hold onto this place as my little sanctuary. I know God and I will be sharing many joyous hours there.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
WooHoo!!!
Okay, here's the thing, I spoke with Dorothy (my new landlady) this afternoon. I get to move in over the weekend even thought the first isn't actually till Monday. That will give me plenty of time to get settled before I leave for Mexico on Thursday morning.
This is my Happy Dance. What? You can't see it? That's probably a good thing...
This is my Happy Dance. What? You can't see it? That's probably a good thing...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
it's getting closer!
So I received an email this afternoon, actually I received several. We have space for 60 people on the Mexico trip and 49 are signed up so far. That means at this point we will be building about 8 houses in total. If we get a full complement of 60 people we will be building 10 houses. Just think, we could build houses so another 2 Mexican families will have homes by the end of next week. Even if we don't get the extra people that's still 8 families who don't have homes today that will by the end of next week. I think that's pretty awesome.
I'm a little worried about my wrist. I'm not sure I should hammer with it yet. There will be plenty for me to do on this trip without hammering but I love to actually get in on the building. I usually always get up on the roof, you see, I'm afraid of heights. I've been on the roof of every house I've helped build except one. That was the day I had a migraine headache and all I wanted to do was lay down and cry. I didn't but I came pretty close. Now I always make sure I have my migraine medicine with me and I drink lots and lots of water.
I'm bringing along my pink tool belt, too. I don't have a big carpenter's tool belt like a lot of the guys do but my pink one is a good quality suede. Don't laugh, it works really well and at least I didn't get it monogrammed with rhinestones like I could have. I originally bought ot as a joke but I use it every trip now.
I should be packing up my house getting ready to move. I actually have about one third to one half of it already done. It's just that I am also in the middle of a painting and my paintings sort of consume me till I finish them. Tomorrow night none of that will get done. We'll be wrapping up our study on the Sermon on the Mount in tomorrow night's small group. So that gives me Thursday and Friday nights plus this weeend for packing. I'm not sure when I'm going to get to do the actual moving, my scheduled move-in date is the 1st but that's Monday. Maybe she'll let me come a day early so I don't have to move after work. I promised Rob I'd be out by the 10th and I have 4 days in Mexico in the middle of all that.
Well, tomorrow's another busy day...
I'm a little worried about my wrist. I'm not sure I should hammer with it yet. There will be plenty for me to do on this trip without hammering but I love to actually get in on the building. I usually always get up on the roof, you see, I'm afraid of heights. I've been on the roof of every house I've helped build except one. That was the day I had a migraine headache and all I wanted to do was lay down and cry. I didn't but I came pretty close. Now I always make sure I have my migraine medicine with me and I drink lots and lots of water.
I'm bringing along my pink tool belt, too. I don't have a big carpenter's tool belt like a lot of the guys do but my pink one is a good quality suede. Don't laugh, it works really well and at least I didn't get it monogrammed with rhinestones like I could have. I originally bought ot as a joke but I use it every trip now.
I should be packing up my house getting ready to move. I actually have about one third to one half of it already done. It's just that I am also in the middle of a painting and my paintings sort of consume me till I finish them. Tomorrow night none of that will get done. We'll be wrapping up our study on the Sermon on the Mount in tomorrow night's small group. So that gives me Thursday and Friday nights plus this weeend for packing. I'm not sure when I'm going to get to do the actual moving, my scheduled move-in date is the 1st but that's Monday. Maybe she'll let me come a day early so I don't have to move after work. I promised Rob I'd be out by the 10th and I have 4 days in Mexico in the middle of all that.
Well, tomorrow's another busy day...
Monday, October 25, 2010
Mexico! November 4 - 7
In 10 days Lakeside has another trip to El Florido, Mexico to build homes for the homeless. We go every 6 months or so, once in the spring and again in the fall. This will be my 11th consecutive trip. I love the people we build for in Mexico. They do not fit the streotype of Mexicans perpetuated here in the States. The people I have met in Mexico are industrious and hard-working. They value family and friends. They value relationships. No matter what denomination church they attend they worship God with thier entire being, with their whole heart, soul, body and mind. Many people here in the States could learn a few things from the people I am headed to meet in 10 days.
If you've read any of my previous posts about Mexico you probably have a feel for the trip. We meet at the church at 6 a.m. on Thursday morning. We spend all day driving in a loose caravan till we get to the dorms, usually about 5 or 6 in the evening. After we unload the cars and trucks we head out for tacos and ice cream. There's usually an orientation meeting and then lights out in the dorms.
Friday mornings we get up, get dressed and have 30 minutes quiet time. Most of us use that time for devotionals. After quiet time comes breakfast, then a worship service where we listen to Eddie Passmore speak his heart on missions. Sometimes there is a guest speaker like Brad Buser from Papua New Guinea. After that we get our work assignments and break up as assigned to go with our family to the build sites. I've been on trips where we only broke into 2 teams and others where we've had as many as 10. Each team builds a house that day, either a 12x12 or a 12x16. Sometimes the houses are additions to structures already there, sometimes not.
The houses are very simple structures to build. To make it even easier the staff at the dorms pre-cuts a number of the sheets of plywood. I have seen a house go up in less than 4 hours. But the real object of this exercise is not to build a house. It is to build a relationship with the people of El Florido, Mexico. We talk with the families, we play with the children. We share ourselves with them and they share themselves with us. We bring families on this trip and our children play with their children.
Getting a new house or even an addition to their existing home is very exciting for these families. Even the children love to help build. We often line up nails for the kids to pound in and sometimes the older kids can work on the windows (shutters, really) and hinges. Everyone seems to like to help with the painting.
The families usually provide us with a lunch if they are able. Some families will save a week's wages to provide the "grupos" with lunch. I have always enjoyed the food served, even my very first meal there which was cactus. The families seem to feel their finest dish is the chicken mole, which I must admit is good. But my favorite meal is always the salads that they serve on tostada shells. I've had some really good soups there, too.
After the house is completed we usually share some cookies and trail mix we've brought along. We also present the families with Bibles and other gifts. The gifts vary from trip to trip depending on the donations we have received. But every home is presented with a plaque made by Johnny's mom and a doorknob made by another church family. The plaque has a Bible verse on it and we usually nail it over the door or window, wherever the family requests.
Tired, and often sunburned, we head back to the dorms. After preparing the trucks for Saturday's builds, many in the group head off to the public showers, everyone goes to dinner, ice cream and then a little free time before bed. Saturday is similar to Friday with the added "debrief" meeting Saturday evening.
Sunday mornings we are up early to clean the dorms and hit the road as soon as possible. We like to be in line at the border before 7 a.m., it just gets us across the border a little quicker. We have a long ride home in front of us, a trip I often use to download all my pictures onto my laptop.
My favorite trip was the one where I went on the extra bonus day to work with Spectrum Ministries. We left on Wednesday instead of Thursday and while everyone else was driving down we were working in the poor neighborhoods of El Florido giving children showers and new clothes. The time I went Diane and I sat side by side and washed over 70 pairs of little girls' feet. It was a truly heartbreaking experience.
There's a line in one of my favorite songs. It goes like this, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." Everytime I think of Spectrum and washing those little girls' feet I think of that line. God is so good.
I can't afford Spectrum this trip, not with moving and all, maybe next time.
If you've read any of my previous posts about Mexico you probably have a feel for the trip. We meet at the church at 6 a.m. on Thursday morning. We spend all day driving in a loose caravan till we get to the dorms, usually about 5 or 6 in the evening. After we unload the cars and trucks we head out for tacos and ice cream. There's usually an orientation meeting and then lights out in the dorms.
Friday mornings we get up, get dressed and have 30 minutes quiet time. Most of us use that time for devotionals. After quiet time comes breakfast, then a worship service where we listen to Eddie Passmore speak his heart on missions. Sometimes there is a guest speaker like Brad Buser from Papua New Guinea. After that we get our work assignments and break up as assigned to go with our family to the build sites. I've been on trips where we only broke into 2 teams and others where we've had as many as 10. Each team builds a house that day, either a 12x12 or a 12x16. Sometimes the houses are additions to structures already there, sometimes not.
The houses are very simple structures to build. To make it even easier the staff at the dorms pre-cuts a number of the sheets of plywood. I have seen a house go up in less than 4 hours. But the real object of this exercise is not to build a house. It is to build a relationship with the people of El Florido, Mexico. We talk with the families, we play with the children. We share ourselves with them and they share themselves with us. We bring families on this trip and our children play with their children.
Getting a new house or even an addition to their existing home is very exciting for these families. Even the children love to help build. We often line up nails for the kids to pound in and sometimes the older kids can work on the windows (shutters, really) and hinges. Everyone seems to like to help with the painting.
The families usually provide us with a lunch if they are able. Some families will save a week's wages to provide the "grupos" with lunch. I have always enjoyed the food served, even my very first meal there which was cactus. The families seem to feel their finest dish is the chicken mole, which I must admit is good. But my favorite meal is always the salads that they serve on tostada shells. I've had some really good soups there, too.
After the house is completed we usually share some cookies and trail mix we've brought along. We also present the families with Bibles and other gifts. The gifts vary from trip to trip depending on the donations we have received. But every home is presented with a plaque made by Johnny's mom and a doorknob made by another church family. The plaque has a Bible verse on it and we usually nail it over the door or window, wherever the family requests.
Tired, and often sunburned, we head back to the dorms. After preparing the trucks for Saturday's builds, many in the group head off to the public showers, everyone goes to dinner, ice cream and then a little free time before bed. Saturday is similar to Friday with the added "debrief" meeting Saturday evening.
Sunday mornings we are up early to clean the dorms and hit the road as soon as possible. We like to be in line at the border before 7 a.m., it just gets us across the border a little quicker. We have a long ride home in front of us, a trip I often use to download all my pictures onto my laptop.
My favorite trip was the one where I went on the extra bonus day to work with Spectrum Ministries. We left on Wednesday instead of Thursday and while everyone else was driving down we were working in the poor neighborhoods of El Florido giving children showers and new clothes. The time I went Diane and I sat side by side and washed over 70 pairs of little girls' feet. It was a truly heartbreaking experience.
There's a line in one of my favorite songs. It goes like this, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." Everytime I think of Spectrum and washing those little girls' feet I think of that line. God is so good.
I can't afford Spectrum this trip, not with moving and all, maybe next time.
hmmm & ten days to go...
I should wear dresses more often. I am getting all sorts of compliments today.
I move into my new place one week from today. I am so excited. No more disrespect and sarcasm from Rob, I will get to keep my room as clean as I want without him throwing random stuff in there all the time. I also won't have to pick up after him and there will be a garage where I can keep my bike. I won't have to worry about him using up all the toilet paper (he goes through a roll in less than 2 days) and I can keep my own dishes and bathroom clean without him using and/or moving all my stuff. Plus, I can finally get a dog!
On another note, I leave for Mexico in ten days! This trip will be good for me. I've always called it my attitude adjustment trip, hopefully this time will be no different. I am so looking forward to getting away from Sacramento and all the things that are stressing me out these days. Going to Mexico will recenter my focus where it needs to be -- on God.
I wonder if it will be raining down there as heavily as it is raining here. According to MSN Weather it's supposed to rain in Tijuana this coming Thursday then clear up and it doesn't say anything about the dates past November 3rd. Of course, it's supposed to be clear here till Thursday also, then rain for a couple of days and clear up early next week. I guess I'll have to recheck early next week. This may sound completely weird but I'd like to do a build in the rain. Last time I was there (or maybe it was the time before) I asked if we would still build if it was raining and they said that we would. I love the rain so much I believe I would enjoy it, unless of course, it was a freezing deluge.
I wonder what we'll do for taco places. Will we be returning to Gordo's or just visiting the new ones we found on our last trip? Since I love them all I will be happy with wherever we go. The only place I didn't like was Tacos al Guerro and it's not that I didn't like them, I just like all the other places better. No matter where we go for tacos I'm sure we'll head to La Michoacana for ice cream. I guess I'll have to do a fruit popsicle to keep my diet momentum going. No problem, I want to keep avoiding dairy products as much as I can anyways.
The best parts of these trips are always the families. It's always so hard to leave them at the end of the day. That's one reason I love taking pictures when I'm down there, I can remember the people I met and worked with. I do tend to forget names sometimes but I can remember faces and the stories behind those faces.
How can you forget experiences like this? I can't, I know that for sure. I've been part of building 20 houses down in the El Florido area. This will be my 11th trip. I'm amazed, I just did it one step at a time. I understand we will probably have close to if not more than 60 people this time. We are expecting some new families to come on this trip, too. It's going to be great. I expect to see God working in many ways. I expect God to do a mighty work in my heart on this trip.
I move into my new place one week from today. I am so excited. No more disrespect and sarcasm from Rob, I will get to keep my room as clean as I want without him throwing random stuff in there all the time. I also won't have to pick up after him and there will be a garage where I can keep my bike. I won't have to worry about him using up all the toilet paper (he goes through a roll in less than 2 days) and I can keep my own dishes and bathroom clean without him using and/or moving all my stuff. Plus, I can finally get a dog!
On another note, I leave for Mexico in ten days! This trip will be good for me. I've always called it my attitude adjustment trip, hopefully this time will be no different. I am so looking forward to getting away from Sacramento and all the things that are stressing me out these days. Going to Mexico will recenter my focus where it needs to be -- on God.
I wonder if it will be raining down there as heavily as it is raining here. According to MSN Weather it's supposed to rain in Tijuana this coming Thursday then clear up and it doesn't say anything about the dates past November 3rd. Of course, it's supposed to be clear here till Thursday also, then rain for a couple of days and clear up early next week. I guess I'll have to recheck early next week. This may sound completely weird but I'd like to do a build in the rain. Last time I was there (or maybe it was the time before) I asked if we would still build if it was raining and they said that we would. I love the rain so much I believe I would enjoy it, unless of course, it was a freezing deluge.
I wonder what we'll do for taco places. Will we be returning to Gordo's or just visiting the new ones we found on our last trip? Since I love them all I will be happy with wherever we go. The only place I didn't like was Tacos al Guerro and it's not that I didn't like them, I just like all the other places better. No matter where we go for tacos I'm sure we'll head to La Michoacana for ice cream. I guess I'll have to do a fruit popsicle to keep my diet momentum going. No problem, I want to keep avoiding dairy products as much as I can anyways.
The best parts of these trips are always the families. It's always so hard to leave them at the end of the day. That's one reason I love taking pictures when I'm down there, I can remember the people I met and worked with. I do tend to forget names sometimes but I can remember faces and the stories behind those faces.
How can you forget experiences like this? I can't, I know that for sure. I've been part of building 20 houses down in the El Florido area. This will be my 11th trip. I'm amazed, I just did it one step at a time. I understand we will probably have close to if not more than 60 people this time. We are expecting some new families to come on this trip, too. It's going to be great. I expect to see God working in many ways. I expect God to do a mighty work in my heart on this trip.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Rainy Days and Sundays
Today I should have been packing for my move. Instead I spent most of the day working on a painting I started 4 weeks ago. As a matter of fact, I started it on the day I first knew there was a problem between Wayne and I. I had been suspecting it for some time but that day I knew. I was considering not finishing it because it holds terrible memories of Wayne for me but right now I am rather glad I've been working on it. It looks rather nice. It has some good colors in it and some blending that looks really nice. I'm probably going to have to sell it when I'm done but that's okay.
Yesterday was blood platelet donation day, also the only time I ever weigh myself. I do that deliberately so I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale. I was down from 171 pounds to 166. That's 5 pounds in 2 weeks, just a tad too fast. But it does put me at a BMI of 25.2 and 25.0 is consider a "normal" weight. Now if I can just keep up the good eating habits and not revert back I should be okay.
I also took a long walk in the rain yesterday. I walked from my apartment to the site where I crashed my bike, about 4 miles each way. Hmmm, somewhere I had the idea it was 5 but I just recalculated, it's 4, maybe a little bit more but not a whole lot. I had my big polka dot umbrella, I love the sound the rain makes on my umbrella, and on the path and the trees and bushes and river and...
As I was crossing the river I watched the fish under the water like I did last week. The difference yesterday was that the fish were jumping. I saw some pretty good sized fish, too. I was thinking about how last week I wanted to jump from the bridge. My life was so painful I didn't want to go on. Well, I still wanted to jump this week but not as badly as I did last week. That's progress, right? I have more joy in my life this week than I did last. Not as much as I did a month ago when I was still with Wayne but I am working my way back to happy and joyful again. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord to either restore our relationship or get that man out of my head. So far, neither one has happened.
Well, I need to go to sleep now if I'm going to work tomorrow. The herbs are still doing their trick, as a matter of fact I am sleeping better and better each night. That contributes to the joy returning to my life as well. I would have stayed in bed all day today if I'd had someone to cuddle with. Rainy days are good for that.
Yesterday was blood platelet donation day, also the only time I ever weigh myself. I do that deliberately so I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale. I was down from 171 pounds to 166. That's 5 pounds in 2 weeks, just a tad too fast. But it does put me at a BMI of 25.2 and 25.0 is consider a "normal" weight. Now if I can just keep up the good eating habits and not revert back I should be okay.
I also took a long walk in the rain yesterday. I walked from my apartment to the site where I crashed my bike, about 4 miles each way. Hmmm, somewhere I had the idea it was 5 but I just recalculated, it's 4, maybe a little bit more but not a whole lot. I had my big polka dot umbrella, I love the sound the rain makes on my umbrella, and on the path and the trees and bushes and river and...
As I was crossing the river I watched the fish under the water like I did last week. The difference yesterday was that the fish were jumping. I saw some pretty good sized fish, too. I was thinking about how last week I wanted to jump from the bridge. My life was so painful I didn't want to go on. Well, I still wanted to jump this week but not as badly as I did last week. That's progress, right? I have more joy in my life this week than I did last. Not as much as I did a month ago when I was still with Wayne but I am working my way back to happy and joyful again. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord to either restore our relationship or get that man out of my head. So far, neither one has happened.
Well, I need to go to sleep now if I'm going to work tomorrow. The herbs are still doing their trick, as a matter of fact I am sleeping better and better each night. That contributes to the joy returning to my life as well. I would have stayed in bed all day today if I'd had someone to cuddle with. Rainy days are good for that.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
John 15:1-4
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
God has a purpose for my life. I'm not quite sure what it is yet because I have let my life get in the way. I've been too focused on myself to be able to hear the still, small voice of God. Even the things I believed He put into my life got in the way of listening to Him. Now it's time to clean out my life of all that extra stuff. That means not only cleaning out my closets and drawers but also paring away the relationships in my life that are pulling me down. Some of them are very dear to me but they are toxic, they are causing me a great deal of pain and anguish and therefore must go. This is not an arbitrary clean-up. Some of these relationships have been around for years and I have expended a great deal of time and energy witnessing to them. But it's very possible that I am not supposed to be the one to bring in that harvest. Other relationships have been shorter in term but just as precious to me. I need to cut them loose now so that I can clear noise between God and myself.
I'm not going to name names here or point fingers. Let's just say that if you have dropped out of my life in the past several weeks or if you find yourself dropping out of my life in the next few weeks you may want to consider looking for those divine pruning shears. (It doesn't matter whether it was your your idea, my idea or someone else's idea, it was all God's idea.) To some of you I hope that God reintroduces us again in the future. To others, I am glad to see your backside. I will leave it to you to figure out which group you belong in.
God has a purpose for my life. I'm not quite sure what it is yet because I have let my life get in the way. I've been too focused on myself to be able to hear the still, small voice of God. Even the things I believed He put into my life got in the way of listening to Him. Now it's time to clean out my life of all that extra stuff. That means not only cleaning out my closets and drawers but also paring away the relationships in my life that are pulling me down. Some of them are very dear to me but they are toxic, they are causing me a great deal of pain and anguish and therefore must go. This is not an arbitrary clean-up. Some of these relationships have been around for years and I have expended a great deal of time and energy witnessing to them. But it's very possible that I am not supposed to be the one to bring in that harvest. Other relationships have been shorter in term but just as precious to me. I need to cut them loose now so that I can clear noise between God and myself.
I'm not going to name names here or point fingers. Let's just say that if you have dropped out of my life in the past several weeks or if you find yourself dropping out of my life in the next few weeks you may want to consider looking for those divine pruning shears. (It doesn't matter whether it was your your idea, my idea or someone else's idea, it was all God's idea.) To some of you I hope that God reintroduces us again in the future. To others, I am glad to see your backside. I will leave it to you to figure out which group you belong in.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wow!
Can you tell I am more "back to normal?" I am down to only one or two posts per day now. Praise God! The tears are all but gone and the heartache is fast disappearing. Time to get on with my life.
This time in 2 weeks I will be in Mexico. Hmmm, let's see, 8:50 Friday morning, we'll probably be getting our build assignments for the day, meeting the families we are building for and doing any last minute loading of the trucks. I'm getting excited...
This time in 2 weeks I will be in Mexico. Hmmm, let's see, 8:50 Friday morning, we'll probably be getting our build assignments for the day, meeting the families we are building for and doing any last minute loading of the trucks. I'm getting excited...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
did I mention???
...Dorothy is going to let me have a dog! The dog sorta needs to audition first, to see if it will get along with the other people in the house. I was looking online at dogs at the SPCA today. There is a chow/keeshond mix I'd love to have but I need to wait till I come back from Mexico before I bring a dog home. Baby will probably be gone by then.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
an interesting phenomenom has occured
Yesterday I wrote a letter to Wayne and mailed it. The letter apologized for my bad behavior while we were seeing each other and for not respecting him enough and being too controlling when we were together. It also apologized for not sharing things with him that I think he had a right to know. I told him what steps I am taking to correct my behavior and asked him if we could be friends again. Because that's what I miss most of all is his friendship. I do have a history of being friends with ex-boyfriends so I didn't think I was too out of line. Anyway, I mailed the letter to his PO Box so if I get a response it may take a month or more. He once told me he only checks his box about once a month. I did tell him in the letter I would be happy with one 15 minute phone call per week. Well, maybe not happy but satisfied. And I meant every word, still do. Then I went home last night and sobbed my heart out.
I got up this morning and put on a dress. It is a short dress, with a V-neck that shows my cleavage, one I was planning on wearing for Wayne the next time I saw him, he used to like looking at my cleavage. It's not too short to wear to work as it hits a couple of inches above my knees, but I do have to watch how I sit when I'm wearing it. Anyway, all that aside, I also put on a little make up and styled my freshly cut hair. I put on a pair of cute little sandals and ran out to my car since I was running late to work. But I didn't run so fast that I missed noticing I attracted a little male attention.
I got to work and, as usual for the last couple of weeks, was struggling with the grief and sadness. One reason for putting on make up was so that I would not succumb to tears today. That was early this morning. A little later today I noticed a little more male attention around the office. And even more as I wandered the aisles at Safeway for lunch. And as I got back to the office after lunch I noticed that, for right now at least, I was not overwhelmingly sad anymore. I have no desire to cry. Now, that may change again in the next 10 minutes but for right now that's a good thing. I believe it means I'm beginning to fall a little bit out of love with him. That doesn't mean I don't still love him, because I do. It means I am not in love with him, or at least on the way to not being in love with him. I am not infatuated with him, I am not obsessed with him, I simply love him. I believe this is a good thing.
What happens if he gets my letter and decides he wants to try and be friends? That's a good thing, I still miss him and would like to be friends with him. Does that preclude any romantic relationship in the future? Eh, maybe, maybe not. I am still very much sexually attracted to him (why I cannot fathom) and would still very much like to explore that (maybe because he's undiscovered territory). No, I don't want sex with him, I want to make love with him. Personally, I think relationships are best when built on a firm foundation of friendship, but then again, I've never had a romantic relationship last longer than 4 years. Meanwhile, if I attract the attention of another man I wouldn't turn down a date. I'm just not sure I want another romantic relationship right now, if ever.
I got up this morning and put on a dress. It is a short dress, with a V-neck that shows my cleavage, one I was planning on wearing for Wayne the next time I saw him, he used to like looking at my cleavage. It's not too short to wear to work as it hits a couple of inches above my knees, but I do have to watch how I sit when I'm wearing it. Anyway, all that aside, I also put on a little make up and styled my freshly cut hair. I put on a pair of cute little sandals and ran out to my car since I was running late to work. But I didn't run so fast that I missed noticing I attracted a little male attention.
I got to work and, as usual for the last couple of weeks, was struggling with the grief and sadness. One reason for putting on make up was so that I would not succumb to tears today. That was early this morning. A little later today I noticed a little more male attention around the office. And even more as I wandered the aisles at Safeway for lunch. And as I got back to the office after lunch I noticed that, for right now at least, I was not overwhelmingly sad anymore. I have no desire to cry. Now, that may change again in the next 10 minutes but for right now that's a good thing. I believe it means I'm beginning to fall a little bit out of love with him. That doesn't mean I don't still love him, because I do. It means I am not in love with him, or at least on the way to not being in love with him. I am not infatuated with him, I am not obsessed with him, I simply love him. I believe this is a good thing.
What happens if he gets my letter and decides he wants to try and be friends? That's a good thing, I still miss him and would like to be friends with him. Does that preclude any romantic relationship in the future? Eh, maybe, maybe not. I am still very much sexually attracted to him (why I cannot fathom) and would still very much like to explore that (maybe because he's undiscovered territory). No, I don't want sex with him, I want to make love with him. Personally, I think relationships are best when built on a firm foundation of friendship, but then again, I've never had a romantic relationship last longer than 4 years. Meanwhile, if I attract the attention of another man I wouldn't turn down a date. I'm just not sure I want another romantic relationship right now, if ever.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Healing
I've spent most of the last three days blogging on a seperate blog about my past. I wanted to examine my "family of origin" and determine why I make such bad choices in my life. I wrote about my childhood all the way through my latest relationship with Wayne. One thing I learned from what I wrote and from what I left out is that my family is very toxic to me, extremely toxic! I grew up being verbally and emotionally abused. I was beaten and ridiculed. Even today my mother and my children treat me with disrespect and they put me down at every opportunity they can. I am not sure my mother realizes she treats me that way but I know my children do. My mother treats me the way she was treated as she was growing up. I don't think I treated my children that way but I do think they learned to treat me the way they saw others treat me. Moving out of my son's apartment will be the best thing I have ever done for myself. I need to learn to value myself before I kill myself.
In addition, almost every relationship that I have ever had in my life has been toxic. So much so that I do not know how to behave when I get into a healthy relationship. I guess I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I don't do healthy relationships and I don't want another toxic one.
In addition, almost every relationship that I have ever had in my life has been toxic. So much so that I do not know how to behave when I get into a healthy relationship. I guess I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I don't do healthy relationships and I don't want another toxic one.
Whew!
My life broken down into 6 long posts. I am finally seeing some patterns and some causes for my behavior and way of thinking. Hopefully I can use this as a tool to ensure any future relationships are better and stronger. I can use this as a tool for my personal growth.
I have some peace within me now. My soul is not so frantic anymore. Maybe I can sleep.
The perimenopause herbs are helping with that, too.
I have some peace within me now. My soul is not so frantic anymore. Maybe I can sleep.
The perimenopause herbs are helping with that, too.
Monday, October 18, 2010
another blog
I have started another blog, this one is extremely private. I am doing some family of origin work. I am writing frankly and in great detail about my past. It is quite painful, even worse than ripping a band aid off a sore. Hopefully it will be of benefit to me.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
confusion
It fascinates me how I can be so sad and broken-hearted over the loss of a relationship and yet so full of the joy of the Lord at the same time.
As I greeted friends and fellow worshippers at church last night I was serving the Lord. I know He wants my life to be joyous and I can feel His joy inside me. As I sang and worshipped and lifted my hands to Him I could feel His peace and joy bubbling up inside of me, alongside of the pain and loneliness that has taken deep root inside my heart.
As I drove home from Stockton the past 2 days I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep behind the wheel (multiple times). I thought that if I crashed and died I would be going home to Jesus and there would be no more pain. But a crash would not be a guarantee of death and Jesus obviously isn't finished with me yet. My Lakeside friends are the only ones who act as if they love me and care for me and I was willing to give them all up for a man. I must be crazy and/or pathetic or very deeply in love. I give up, Lord, this is all too much for me.
As I greeted friends and fellow worshippers at church last night I was serving the Lord. I know He wants my life to be joyous and I can feel His joy inside me. As I sang and worshipped and lifted my hands to Him I could feel His peace and joy bubbling up inside of me, alongside of the pain and loneliness that has taken deep root inside my heart.
As I drove home from Stockton the past 2 days I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep behind the wheel (multiple times). I thought that if I crashed and died I would be going home to Jesus and there would be no more pain. But a crash would not be a guarantee of death and Jesus obviously isn't finished with me yet. My Lakeside friends are the only ones who act as if they love me and care for me and I was willing to give them all up for a man. I must be crazy and/or pathetic or very deeply in love. I give up, Lord, this is all too much for me.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
healer by hillsong
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
Pre-Chorus:
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
[Repeat Verse]
[Repeat Pre-Chorus}
[Chorus]
Bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
[Repeat]
[Chorus]
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
Pre-Chorus:
I trust in You
I trust in You
Chorus:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
[Repeat Verse]
[Repeat Pre-Chorus}
[Chorus]
Bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
[Repeat]
[Chorus]
Pacific International Quilt Festival
I don't know why I used my day off work to go spend time with my mother. Well, actually, I do. She's 75 years old, not getting any younger and certainly not getting any healthier. She has diabetes, high blood pressure and a whole host of other health problems. I love my mother and want to spend time with her because she hasn't got a whole lot of time left. So when I had the day off and she asked me to go to this festival with her I went.
She says she asked me to go with her because I am another woman and enjoy quilts. She said it's hard doing things like that with Jeffrey because he doesn't appreciate them the same way another stitcher would. Okay, that made sense. But once we got there the two of them kept walking away from me and leaving me all alone in this huge hall crowded with strangers. I don't do well with crowds and I don't do well with strangers and they both know it. Don't get me wrong, the entire day wasn't miserable, just a large portion of it.
The quilts were beautiful, I'm going to try and attach pictures here. There were thousands of quilts, some were absolute masterpieces of work, some were really, really ugly. That was the best part of the day. Then we walked through part of the vendor section, the part with everyone in their stalls selling stuff. Mom kept stopping and saying, "If I had the money I'd buy that for _______." Fill in the blank with everyone else's name but mine, her sisters, my sister, her nieces and nephews, her grandchildren, her friends. Everyone but me. My mom is awesome. She needlepoints, she sews, she machine embroiders, she quilts. She has made things and given them to everyone she knows. Everyone except me. She's made Christmas stockings, monogrammed bath towels, embroidered placemats and kitchen towels, decorated jackets, made quilts, gorgeous wall hangings, you name it. In all these years she has given me one embroidered dish towel that she was really going to throw away because it was flawed.
I really have no room to complain. She and Jeff took me in and cared for me, fed me, drove me to doctor's appointments, the whole works while I was recovering from my broken wrist. We packed a lunch to take with us yesterday because she knew I wouldn't have the money to eat out and when lunchtime came and she didn't want to walk back to the car she bought me a salad. We ate the sandwiches for dinner as we drove home. The point is when my mother dies everyone will have all these beautiful keepsakes and I will have a flawed tea towel. Okay, I will have memories, lots and lots of memories. Let's hope I don't get Alzheimer's.
Yesterday was a toss up. The quilts were fabulous. We shared some laughs (the scene in the bathroom was priceless but in the end everyone in there was laughing at me, not her. I was so humiliated.) She abandoned me only to find me again and humiliate me, put me down, criticize me and otherwise make me feel small and unloved. Why did I go with her? She's 75 years old, not getting any younger and certainly not getting any healthier. She doesn't have much time left and I love her. I have a pattern of loving those who don't love me.
I'm driving back to Stockton today to spend more time with her.
She says she asked me to go with her because I am another woman and enjoy quilts. She said it's hard doing things like that with Jeffrey because he doesn't appreciate them the same way another stitcher would. Okay, that made sense. But once we got there the two of them kept walking away from me and leaving me all alone in this huge hall crowded with strangers. I don't do well with crowds and I don't do well with strangers and they both know it. Don't get me wrong, the entire day wasn't miserable, just a large portion of it.
The quilts were beautiful, I'm going to try and attach pictures here. There were thousands of quilts, some were absolute masterpieces of work, some were really, really ugly. That was the best part of the day. Then we walked through part of the vendor section, the part with everyone in their stalls selling stuff. Mom kept stopping and saying, "If I had the money I'd buy that for _______." Fill in the blank with everyone else's name but mine, her sisters, my sister, her nieces and nephews, her grandchildren, her friends. Everyone but me. My mom is awesome. She needlepoints, she sews, she machine embroiders, she quilts. She has made things and given them to everyone she knows. Everyone except me. She's made Christmas stockings, monogrammed bath towels, embroidered placemats and kitchen towels, decorated jackets, made quilts, gorgeous wall hangings, you name it. In all these years she has given me one embroidered dish towel that she was really going to throw away because it was flawed.
I really have no room to complain. She and Jeff took me in and cared for me, fed me, drove me to doctor's appointments, the whole works while I was recovering from my broken wrist. We packed a lunch to take with us yesterday because she knew I wouldn't have the money to eat out and when lunchtime came and she didn't want to walk back to the car she bought me a salad. We ate the sandwiches for dinner as we drove home. The point is when my mother dies everyone will have all these beautiful keepsakes and I will have a flawed tea towel. Okay, I will have memories, lots and lots of memories. Let's hope I don't get Alzheimer's.
Yesterday was a toss up. The quilts were fabulous. We shared some laughs (the scene in the bathroom was priceless but in the end everyone in there was laughing at me, not her. I was so humiliated.) She abandoned me only to find me again and humiliate me, put me down, criticize me and otherwise make me feel small and unloved. Why did I go with her? She's 75 years old, not getting any younger and certainly not getting any healthier. She doesn't have much time left and I love her. I have a pattern of loving those who don't love me.
I'm driving back to Stockton today to spend more time with her.
Friday, October 15, 2010
herbal remedies
You wanna hear something? Promise not to laugh? Seriously, I'm really sensitive and hate it when people laugh at me, laughing with me is okay but don't laugh at me, okay?
Okay, here goes...
I've been exceptionally emotional lately...
You promised not to laugh...
Are you still laughing? This is starting to get old...
Okay, here's the deal. I am perimenopausal (pre-menopausal). Hey! I'm a 52 year old woman, that's not unexpected. I've been having some hot flashes off and on over the past several months. I had some last spring and then they went away and about a month ago they started up again. What I didn't realize, silly me, is how severely my emotions would be effected at the same time. Looking back I can see how they have been effected for several months now. It's just that at the time I believed I was having difficulties adjusting to my broken wrist and my recovery process, the stress at home, the stress at work, you name it. In retrospect, I can see the mood swings began before then. I'm usually a pretty laid-back person, not given to a whole lot of extreme emotion except in times of great stress. I was different in the past but I have been working on not being a hot-tempered bitch and I felt I had that under control. But there have been several major stressors in my life recently and I have not reacted well to any of them. In the past I have taken the termination of a relationship hard but not quite as hard as I am taking this one. I think that's for 2 reasons, 1) I didn't have the same emotional investment in those previous relationships and 2) I wasn't peri-menopause at those times.
I have not slept more than 2 or 3 hours a night for the last 2 weeks. A great deal of that is attributable to the breakup but I've been doing some reading on perimenopause and boy did I have a lot to learn. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, irritability, anxiety, craving sweets and/or carbs, heart palpitations, fuzzy thinking, headaches and insomnia are only some of the perimenopause symptoms I have been experiencing. That explains a lot. It explains why my behavior was running away with me, it explains why I haven't been sleeping, it explains why I have been crying for hours and hours. Once I figured that out I needed to find out what to do about it.
I started an herbal remedy a couple of days ago. It's not hormone replacement therapy and it's all natural (I despise taking medications.) Anyways, I am already seeing relief of some of my symptoms. I am not having as many hot flashes and my mood is much more mellow, the irritability and mood swings are disappearing. And I slept well last night. And since it's 11:30 now and I need to be up by 8 tomorrow morning I think I'm going to sign off for now and see if I can sleep. I have a lot more I want to write about, a lot of stuff happened today, some good, some bad, some I want to write down so I can think about it.
Okay, here goes...
I've been exceptionally emotional lately...
You promised not to laugh...
Are you still laughing? This is starting to get old...
Okay, here's the deal. I am perimenopausal (pre-menopausal). Hey! I'm a 52 year old woman, that's not unexpected. I've been having some hot flashes off and on over the past several months. I had some last spring and then they went away and about a month ago they started up again. What I didn't realize, silly me, is how severely my emotions would be effected at the same time. Looking back I can see how they have been effected for several months now. It's just that at the time I believed I was having difficulties adjusting to my broken wrist and my recovery process, the stress at home, the stress at work, you name it. In retrospect, I can see the mood swings began before then. I'm usually a pretty laid-back person, not given to a whole lot of extreme emotion except in times of great stress. I was different in the past but I have been working on not being a hot-tempered bitch and I felt I had that under control. But there have been several major stressors in my life recently and I have not reacted well to any of them. In the past I have taken the termination of a relationship hard but not quite as hard as I am taking this one. I think that's for 2 reasons, 1) I didn't have the same emotional investment in those previous relationships and 2) I wasn't peri-menopause at those times.
I have not slept more than 2 or 3 hours a night for the last 2 weeks. A great deal of that is attributable to the breakup but I've been doing some reading on perimenopause and boy did I have a lot to learn. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, irritability, anxiety, craving sweets and/or carbs, heart palpitations, fuzzy thinking, headaches and insomnia are only some of the perimenopause symptoms I have been experiencing. That explains a lot. It explains why my behavior was running away with me, it explains why I haven't been sleeping, it explains why I have been crying for hours and hours. Once I figured that out I needed to find out what to do about it.
I started an herbal remedy a couple of days ago. It's not hormone replacement therapy and it's all natural (I despise taking medications.) Anyways, I am already seeing relief of some of my symptoms. I am not having as many hot flashes and my mood is much more mellow, the irritability and mood swings are disappearing. And I slept well last night. And since it's 11:30 now and I need to be up by 8 tomorrow morning I think I'm going to sign off for now and see if I can sleep. I have a lot more I want to write about, a lot of stuff happened today, some good, some bad, some I want to write down so I can think about it.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Proverbs 16:9
I am so excited. At lunchtime today (in a few minutes) I go to the bank and get my deposit money for my new place. I've been projecting my income and expenses for the next few paychecks and I am tight but manageable. Phew!
As for Proverbs up there. After my visions last night I've been considering how it will all work out considering recent events. But then I get this Bible verse this morning: "The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." --Proverbs 16:9. Okay, I'll stop worrying on it. God will make it happen, if He wants it to happen it will and no one can stop it.
So, I've mused about leaving Lakeside. Originally I thought it was because of the relationship I was involved in but now I know that there is a disconnect between my heart and Lakeside so I will be leaving anyway. Today I've been considering whether I am supposed to be continuing working at my job. For some reason I am emotionally disconnecting from here as well. Now the disconnect at work could be because I am full of rage and depression over the break-up of my relationship. I am going to try to work through and process that so that I don't make any hasty decisions. And I will pray that I don't punch out my supervisor while I'm sorting. LOL, just kidding, I'm not violent. Financially speaking it might or might not be a blessing to leave here. I have made 50% more than I am making now but that was in San Francisco. Also, annual raises are due November 1st. I haven't had one yet and I've been here for 2 years. I'm wondering what kind of raise they're planning on giving me, if they're giving me one. Maybe that will be the confirmation whether or not I'm supposed to leave.
Meanwhile, I am just going on with my life. I am moving just as I've been planning since Rob and I had that huge fight last spring. I am making adjustments and changes to be ready for whenever the Lord calls me to do whatever it is He wants me to do. (See paragraph above, I think its all related.) I have already had a couple of leads on good churches in the Auburn and Rocklin areas. And with a painter for a landlord I just may sink deeper into my painting. Living out on 5 acres will give me the peace I need to paint and it will also give me fresh air. Okay, there I was thinking about my current neighbors and how much they smoke. It drifts through my bedroom window all day and night so that I either have to keep my window closed (claustrophobic) or use air freshener every day.
Thank You, Lord, for my life. It's not exactly turning out how I envisioned it would but I know it's turning out according to Your plans. That is sufficient for me.
As for Proverbs up there. After my visions last night I've been considering how it will all work out considering recent events. But then I get this Bible verse this morning: "The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." --Proverbs 16:9. Okay, I'll stop worrying on it. God will make it happen, if He wants it to happen it will and no one can stop it.
So, I've mused about leaving Lakeside. Originally I thought it was because of the relationship I was involved in but now I know that there is a disconnect between my heart and Lakeside so I will be leaving anyway. Today I've been considering whether I am supposed to be continuing working at my job. For some reason I am emotionally disconnecting from here as well. Now the disconnect at work could be because I am full of rage and depression over the break-up of my relationship. I am going to try to work through and process that so that I don't make any hasty decisions. And I will pray that I don't punch out my supervisor while I'm sorting. LOL, just kidding, I'm not violent. Financially speaking it might or might not be a blessing to leave here. I have made 50% more than I am making now but that was in San Francisco. Also, annual raises are due November 1st. I haven't had one yet and I've been here for 2 years. I'm wondering what kind of raise they're planning on giving me, if they're giving me one. Maybe that will be the confirmation whether or not I'm supposed to leave.
Meanwhile, I am just going on with my life. I am moving just as I've been planning since Rob and I had that huge fight last spring. I am making adjustments and changes to be ready for whenever the Lord calls me to do whatever it is He wants me to do. (See paragraph above, I think its all related.) I have already had a couple of leads on good churches in the Auburn and Rocklin areas. And with a painter for a landlord I just may sink deeper into my painting. Living out on 5 acres will give me the peace I need to paint and it will also give me fresh air. Okay, there I was thinking about my current neighbors and how much they smoke. It drifts through my bedroom window all day and night so that I either have to keep my window closed (claustrophobic) or use air freshener every day.
Thank You, Lord, for my life. It's not exactly turning out how I envisioned it would but I know it's turning out according to Your plans. That is sufficient for me.
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