Random Thoughts

Your love is outrageous
You Know I've never known anything like your love
never known anything like your love
it's outrageous
I've never known anything like your love
never known anyhting like your love...

that song is going through my head over and over this morning.

Hmmm, had a vision last night, trying to see how it will work out considering the present circumstances.  Oh well, God has it under control.

Benefits of fasting, other than the communion and communication with God...

1. weight loss, I haven't stepped on a scale but I feel skinnier
2. the dark circles under my eyes from my milk allergies have cleared up as have my sinuses
3. my hot flashes are lessening

Benefit of not having a relationship right now, I have more time with God.  In my opinion, that's the only benefit. 

I wonder if Dorothy will let me have a dog?

Your love is outrageous...

Answered Prayer

Well, my three day fast is complete and I have the answer to my prayer.  This evening as I was praying and breaking my fast I felt an incredible peace and joy.  It was as if God was wrapping His arms around me and holding me close.  I am going to choose contentment. 

God closes doors no man can open and God opens doors no man can shut.  Which one will this be?

Psalm 27:14

Dear Lord,

I heard You speak to me this morning.  Thank You for the answer to my prayer.  I will be patient and wait as long as You want me to.  I know Your plans are better for me than any I can devise for myself.  I will submit to Your will. 

Thank You also for this three day fast.  As it winds down to a close I find myself wanting to stay in Your presence.  I know I can do that and still eat but this has been a special time.  Please Lord, restore the things in my life that You will restore and remove from my life anything that will distract me from You. 

Lord, please also bless my friends, family and loved ones.  They are all very special to me and I know they are also your children.  You love them even more than I do, immeasureably more.

Thank You for the life of Your son.  I have come to appreciate the sacrifice You made for us when You allowed Jesus to give His life in payment of our sins.  I can never hope to be worthy of such a sacrifice.

--Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!      
--Psalm 27:14

Day 3

Good Morning Lord,

Thank You for this beautiful day.  It is still dark outside but I know it came from You so it will be awesome.  Thank You for the sleep I did manage last night, it refreshed me enough to go on with this day.  Thank You for my job, it enables me to take care of myself and contribute to Your kingdom.  Thank You for my friends and family, even those who have no use for me anymore.  What's up with my sister anyway?  Are you knocking at her heart's door?  Thank You for little Benjamin Dang, Please help him grow strong.

Thank You for Your care and provision.  As You know, this is day 3 of my fast.  I don't know why You asked for three days but I am finding it to be an eye-opening experience.  I truly CAN do all things through You.  I know that with You at my side, or I guess I should say, I know that as I cling to Your side, I will come through this season of sadness in one piece, whole, happy and stronger than ever.  I thank You for Your love, Your grace and Your mercy.  I know Your plans for my life are greater than mine.  I wish I didn't have to go through all the pain but I know it is for my benefit, to mold me and shape me into the person You would have me become.  Thank You for that, Lord.

I am going to go about my day now.  Let Your light shine through me as I do just that.  Let my life praise and glorify the name of Your son, Jesus.  It is through His sacrifice that I am able to bow before Your feet this morning.  For that I am most grateful of all.

More Prayer

Dear Lord,

Please help me keep my focus on you during this time of prayer and fasting.  My mind wanders and drifts.  It keep returning to dig at my pain.  I want to focus on You, Lord.  I want to focus on Your will for my life.  In want to focus on the joy You will bring me when I follow Your will. 

Lord, I am so unworthy.  I am a sinner, I need Your grace and mercy.  Please bless me with Your righteousness, without it I am doomed.  I am such a hypocrite, Lord.  I put my relationship ahead of You, I made him my god because I made not being alone my god.  I am so tired of being alone. Lord.  I am sio tired of being lonely, I stumbled, I sinned against You.  I am so sorry.  Lord, if I could change my behavior, I would.  If there was something I could do to make it up to You, I would.  But I  know there is no way for me, a sinner, to earn Your favor.  I need Your love and grace and mercy.  I need Your forgiveness.  Lord, I submit to Your will.  Please show me Your will.

Lord, I also pray for health and healing of my loved ones.  I pray for Becky and little Benjamin.  I pray for my parents and my children.  I pray for their physical and mental wholeness and happiness.  Lord, I pray for my friends.  I pray that they know You and walk in close communion with You.  Lord, You know all the prayers of my heart, even those I cannot put voice to.  Please Lord, grant me these petitions. 

Prayer during fasting

Dear Lord,

Draw me closer to You, my Lord.  Cleanse my mind, body and spirit as I seek Your will for my life.  Show me the path You have laid out ahead of me and guide my steps as I walk that path.  Give me the strength to step out in faith, to overcome my grief and my fears.  Break the bonds my fears have over me and my life.  Show me how to live the full and abundant life that You have prescribed for me.  My Lord, if You have decided that I shall spend the rest of my life as a single person let me be a single person doing Your will.  I beg of You, please, please, please heal my pain, my hurts, my heart, body and soul.  I submit them to You, O God, they are Yours, wholly Yours.  Guide my steps as I embark on these changes in my life.  Show me the ways You would have me take.  Let me be a witness to everyone I come in contact with.  Let Your light shine forth through me.

Lord, please also forgive me for all my sins.  I have sinned mightily against You, my Lord.  In addition to my struggles with lust and my sexual thoughts and desires for the man I love I have also been arrogant and prideful.  I have not been completely honest with those I love and even myself.  I have not been a good steward of the resources You blessed me with.  I have not kept You first place in my life, often replacing You with other people or things.  I have ignored opportunities where I could be spreading Your truth and love in order to pursue my own selfish gain.  I have even not paid the proper attention to the loved ones You placed in my life.  Please, Lord, I know I am not worthy of Your forgiveness but if you choose You can restore my life and show me the way to correct those sins and errors of my life.  Show the path You would have me walk in repentance and love.

O Lord, please also bless my friend, heal his hurts and pains, calm his fears and soothe his body and soul.  Please give him peace and rest and healing.  I know You are showering him with Your love and grace and mercy, just as You shower me with the same.  He is Your child, too.  I know You want to bless him as much as You want to bless all of Your children.  Lord, whether brokenness or restoration, I submit our relationship to Your will.  I know You have what is best for the two of us in Your mind and in Your plans.  Your will be done, Lord.

Lord, I am ever grateful for Your gifts to me.  Your son's sacrifice of His life on the cross is evidence of your unfailing love for me and all your children.  I pray that my life will reflect You.

Fasting

I've been reading a lot about fasting lately.  Fasting for detoxing the body and fasting for a spiritual breakthrough.  It seems to me that the diets are similar.  I've been planning on fasting for spiritual reasons lately, the detox and weight loss benefits only seem to add to the reasons for doing it.  I did sort of an informal fast today, not for the whole day but I drank plenty of liquids all day and did not eat at all until dinner this evening at which time I ate 3 small slices of pizza.  I probably would not have eaten then but I was out with my daughter and she wanted dinner. 

Not eating was not as difficult as I thought it would be.  I am going to eat tomorrow because I have a blood donation appointment Saturday morning and then I will eat after my appointment on Saturday afternoon but starting Sunday I am considering starting a longer fast. 

I also have a party to attend on Saturday afternoon.  I'm driving two, maybe three friends down to Lockeford and we will be visiting with some friends who are on the brink of moving to Texas.  I am going to miss Jeannene.  She has a huge heart for the Lord and is an awesome prayer warrior.  I met her through my friend Cherie at our Beautiful Believers Breakfast Club. 

I will be journaling my thoughts on fasting here as I go through this process.  God seems to be stripping away everything in my life that is coming between Him and me.  I need to sit up and pay attention.  I need to draw closer to Him.  I look forward to this journey.