Showing posts with label Worship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Worship. Show all posts
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Kody
I've been working diligently the last 4 weeks to bring Kody home to live with me. First he had to get well and then we had to be sure he would be a good fit with the other residents of the house. I finally got the phone call yesterday that Kody was well and could come home yesterday afternoon. Everyone in the house loves him! He is settling in well. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord! I pray this is a blessing for everyone involved.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What A Week! - Part 4
If you read my posts about my trip to Mexico it sounds like it was a very secular trip. I made very little mention of the spiritual side of the trip other than morning devotions and Eddie and Brandon's messages in the morning. And I know I even made Brandon's sound like a commercial interruption. That really isn't the case. Right after breakfast on Friday and Saturday mornings we all filed into the big meeting room upstairs and had a time of worship. Eddie gives us a hard time about paying attention to the lyrics we are singing but he does join in with us. Ever since he started doing that I have been paying attention. If you sing, "break my heart for what breaks yours" to Jesus you better mean it. In my opinion, worship is prayer set to music. It is a conversation with God and you shouldn't sing something you don't mean.
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
5:30 already???
It's been a long night. I tossed and turned for most of it. I haven't been sleeping well, a lot on my mind. I should be grateful that I have a warm and dry place to sleep. Instead I am moaning and groaning about the fact that I am sleeping alone. I am crying over the fact that I want to be married, not just a notch on some guy's belt. I don't understand why I have this desire on my heart if everytime I get remotely close to that goal I get dumped. And each successive time it gets worse and worse. I love so deeply and completely that each breakup is like an amputation. The pain is so intense, even after almost a month. Is it any wonder I am afraid to admit that I love? It's not his fault. I am the defective one.
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
This morning I have this song running on a loop inside my brain. A large choir is singing it, something like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It is a large sound, booming yet joyous, something like this video I just found on YouTube...
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
This morning I have this song running on a loop inside my brain. A large choir is singing it, something like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It is a large sound, booming yet joyous, something like this video I just found on YouTube...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
confusion
It fascinates me how I can be so sad and broken-hearted over the loss of a relationship and yet so full of the joy of the Lord at the same time.
As I greeted friends and fellow worshippers at church last night I was serving the Lord. I know He wants my life to be joyous and I can feel His joy inside me. As I sang and worshipped and lifted my hands to Him I could feel His peace and joy bubbling up inside of me, alongside of the pain and loneliness that has taken deep root inside my heart.
As I drove home from Stockton the past 2 days I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep behind the wheel (multiple times). I thought that if I crashed and died I would be going home to Jesus and there would be no more pain. But a crash would not be a guarantee of death and Jesus obviously isn't finished with me yet. My Lakeside friends are the only ones who act as if they love me and care for me and I was willing to give them all up for a man. I must be crazy and/or pathetic or very deeply in love. I give up, Lord, this is all too much for me.
As I greeted friends and fellow worshippers at church last night I was serving the Lord. I know He wants my life to be joyous and I can feel His joy inside me. As I sang and worshipped and lifted my hands to Him I could feel His peace and joy bubbling up inside of me, alongside of the pain and loneliness that has taken deep root inside my heart.
As I drove home from Stockton the past 2 days I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep behind the wheel (multiple times). I thought that if I crashed and died I would be going home to Jesus and there would be no more pain. But a crash would not be a guarantee of death and Jesus obviously isn't finished with me yet. My Lakeside friends are the only ones who act as if they love me and care for me and I was willing to give them all up for a man. I must be crazy and/or pathetic or very deeply in love. I give up, Lord, this is all too much for me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Psalm 27:14
Dear Lord,
I heard You speak to me this morning. Thank You for the answer to my prayer. I will be patient and wait as long as You want me to. I know Your plans are better for me than any I can devise for myself. I will submit to Your will.
Thank You also for this three day fast. As it winds down to a close I find myself wanting to stay in Your presence. I know I can do that and still eat but this has been a special time. Please Lord, restore the things in my life that You will restore and remove from my life anything that will distract me from You.
Lord, please also bless my friends, family and loved ones. They are all very special to me and I know they are also your children. You love them even more than I do, immeasureably more.
Thank You for the life of Your son. I have come to appreciate the sacrifice You made for us when You allowed Jesus to give His life in payment of our sins. I can never hope to be worthy of such a sacrifice.
--Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
--Psalm 27:14
I heard You speak to me this morning. Thank You for the answer to my prayer. I will be patient and wait as long as You want me to. I know Your plans are better for me than any I can devise for myself. I will submit to Your will.
Thank You also for this three day fast. As it winds down to a close I find myself wanting to stay in Your presence. I know I can do that and still eat but this has been a special time. Please Lord, restore the things in my life that You will restore and remove from my life anything that will distract me from You.
Lord, please also bless my friends, family and loved ones. They are all very special to me and I know they are also your children. You love them even more than I do, immeasureably more.
Thank You for the life of Your son. I have come to appreciate the sacrifice You made for us when You allowed Jesus to give His life in payment of our sins. I can never hope to be worthy of such a sacrifice.
--Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
--Psalm 27:14
Monday, October 11, 2010
Prayer during fasting
Dear Lord,
Draw me closer to You, my Lord. Cleanse my mind, body and spirit as I seek Your will for my life. Show me the path You have laid out ahead of me and guide my steps as I walk that path. Give me the strength to step out in faith, to overcome my grief and my fears. Break the bonds my fears have over me and my life. Show me how to live the full and abundant life that You have prescribed for me. My Lord, if You have decided that I shall spend the rest of my life as a single person let me be a single person doing Your will. I beg of You, please, please, please heal my pain, my hurts, my heart, body and soul. I submit them to You, O God, they are Yours, wholly Yours. Guide my steps as I embark on these changes in my life. Show me the ways You would have me take. Let me be a witness to everyone I come in contact with. Let Your light shine forth through me.
Lord, please also forgive me for all my sins. I have sinned mightily against You, my Lord. In addition to my struggles with lust and my sexual thoughts and desires for the man I love I have also been arrogant and prideful. I have not been completely honest with those I love and even myself. I have not been a good steward of the resources You blessed me with. I have not kept You first place in my life, often replacing You with other people or things. I have ignored opportunities where I could be spreading Your truth and love in order to pursue my own selfish gain. I have even not paid the proper attention to the loved ones You placed in my life. Please, Lord, I know I am not worthy of Your forgiveness but if you choose You can restore my life and show me the way to correct those sins and errors of my life. Show the path You would have me walk in repentance and love.
O Lord, please also bless my friend, heal his hurts and pains, calm his fears and soothe his body and soul. Please give him peace and rest and healing. I know You are showering him with Your love and grace and mercy, just as You shower me with the same. He is Your child, too. I know You want to bless him as much as You want to bless all of Your children. Lord, whether brokenness or restoration, I submit our relationship to Your will. I know You have what is best for the two of us in Your mind and in Your plans. Your will be done, Lord.
Lord, I am ever grateful for Your gifts to me. Your son's sacrifice of His life on the cross is evidence of your unfailing love for me and all your children. I pray that my life will reflect You.
Draw me closer to You, my Lord. Cleanse my mind, body and spirit as I seek Your will for my life. Show me the path You have laid out ahead of me and guide my steps as I walk that path. Give me the strength to step out in faith, to overcome my grief and my fears. Break the bonds my fears have over me and my life. Show me how to live the full and abundant life that You have prescribed for me. My Lord, if You have decided that I shall spend the rest of my life as a single person let me be a single person doing Your will. I beg of You, please, please, please heal my pain, my hurts, my heart, body and soul. I submit them to You, O God, they are Yours, wholly Yours. Guide my steps as I embark on these changes in my life. Show me the ways You would have me take. Let me be a witness to everyone I come in contact with. Let Your light shine forth through me.
Lord, please also forgive me for all my sins. I have sinned mightily against You, my Lord. In addition to my struggles with lust and my sexual thoughts and desires for the man I love I have also been arrogant and prideful. I have not been completely honest with those I love and even myself. I have not been a good steward of the resources You blessed me with. I have not kept You first place in my life, often replacing You with other people or things. I have ignored opportunities where I could be spreading Your truth and love in order to pursue my own selfish gain. I have even not paid the proper attention to the loved ones You placed in my life. Please, Lord, I know I am not worthy of Your forgiveness but if you choose You can restore my life and show me the way to correct those sins and errors of my life. Show the path You would have me walk in repentance and love.
O Lord, please also bless my friend, heal his hurts and pains, calm his fears and soothe his body and soul. Please give him peace and rest and healing. I know You are showering him with Your love and grace and mercy, just as You shower me with the same. He is Your child, too. I know You want to bless him as much as You want to bless all of Your children. Lord, whether brokenness or restoration, I submit our relationship to Your will. I know You have what is best for the two of us in Your mind and in Your plans. Your will be done, Lord.
Lord, I am ever grateful for Your gifts to me. Your son's sacrifice of His life on the cross is evidence of your unfailing love for me and all your children. I pray that my life will reflect You.
God is in Control
There's nothing that can distract a person from their misery quite as well as a worship event. I arrived at Lakeside last night a few minutes before 4 and was totally immersed in worshipping Jesus for the next 6 hours. Being together with my brothers and sisters in Christ is an experienced unequaled anywhere else. I sang, I danced, I yelled and screamed and jumped up and down with several hundred of my closest friends. There was a one hour break where I was able to rest and put my feet up but by the time the evening was over I could barely walk, least of all talk.
Gabriel and crew performed all my favorite songs, including Dress Us Up, Skeleton Bones, Love Came Down, the Old Rugged Cross and that other one at the end whose name escapes me right now. And by the crowds' reactions, they're not just my favorite songs either. I'm going to have to get myself a copy of the CD/DVD package.
This was all after an afternoon of hunting for a new home. I finally found one in the Loomis/Penryn area. It's in a huge house set on several heavily wooded acres. The room I am renting is larger than the living room in my current apartment. The bathroom is HUGE! One wall is all sinks and mirrors and 2 walls of closets. There is a deck off the sliding glass doors and the view includes 2 ponds and a swimming pool. I won't know what to do with myself in all that room. In Mexico a room that size would house at least 8 people.
Gabriel and crew performed all my favorite songs, including Dress Us Up, Skeleton Bones, Love Came Down, the Old Rugged Cross and that other one at the end whose name escapes me right now. And by the crowds' reactions, they're not just my favorite songs either. I'm going to have to get myself a copy of the CD/DVD package.
This was all after an afternoon of hunting for a new home. I finally found one in the Loomis/Penryn area. It's in a huge house set on several heavily wooded acres. The room I am renting is larger than the living room in my current apartment. The bathroom is HUGE! One wall is all sinks and mirrors and 2 walls of closets. There is a deck off the sliding glass doors and the view includes 2 ponds and a swimming pool. I won't know what to do with myself in all that room. In Mexico a room that size would house at least 8 people.
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