Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Kody
I've been working diligently the last 4 weeks to bring Kody home to live with me. First he had to get well and then we had to be sure he would be a good fit with the other residents of the house. I finally got the phone call yesterday that Kody was well and could come home yesterday afternoon. Everyone in the house loves him! He is settling in well. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord! I pray this is a blessing for everyone involved.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
10 Gallons
I have a standing appointment every other Saturday morning to donate platelets at the local blood bank. I have been questioned several times about why I do this, let's just say it's something I believe in and something I will do as often as I can until I'm told I can't any longer. Anyways, I was looking down at the little slip of paper they gave me (I get one like it on every visit) that has all the little details they feel is important for me to have each visit. This paper has phone numbers in case I get sick, my blood pressure, my blood type, all sorts of tidbits. It also has the number of times I've donated. When I commented on the number to the nurse she looked at it and said, "Yeah, your next visit will be your 10 gallon donation."
10 gallons? I don't know about you but if I line 10 one gallon jugs of milk up in a line I think that's a lot of milk. It was easy enough to do, I just sit in a chair for 90 minutes to 2 hours while I watch a movie. They hook me up to a machine that does all the work. I can see just about any movie I want and I don't have to pay $10.50 to see it. Then they feed me. What a deal!
It saves lives everyday. I have a friend whose life was saved by a platelet donation. It's so easy to do I don't understand why more people don't do it (aside from medical restrictions and fear of needles).
I know why I do it, that's the important part for me.
10 gallons? I don't know about you but if I line 10 one gallon jugs of milk up in a line I think that's a lot of milk. It was easy enough to do, I just sit in a chair for 90 minutes to 2 hours while I watch a movie. They hook me up to a machine that does all the work. I can see just about any movie I want and I don't have to pay $10.50 to see it. Then they feed me. What a deal!
It saves lives everyday. I have a friend whose life was saved by a platelet donation. It's so easy to do I don't understand why more people don't do it (aside from medical restrictions and fear of needles).
I know why I do it, that's the important part for me.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Day
Well, here in the US today is Thanksgiving Day. For many people, maybe even most people, it is a day to celebrate gluttony, a day to overeat and over indulge. I cannot say that I haven't done the same in the past. However, the last 2 years I have done things differently. Actually, I started doing things differently several years ago.
I have not always had the easiest of lives and have spent many years struggling, physically and emotionally to be sure but I have had the greatest struggles financially. Being a single mother with three children to raise was not an easy task and to have my ex-husband decide that I didn't deserve child support only served to make matters worse. It didn't matter that the child support was really for his children and it didn't matter that the courts said he had to pay me the support, he decided he wasn't going to pay me and so he didn't. I know there are laws on the books to "force" deadbeat dads to pay support but there are ways around those laws if you look hard enough. My ex found a woman gullible enough to support him enabling him to avoid holding down a job. I understand he sells stuff on eBay but I guess the courts haven't figured out a way to attach that income yet.
Many years ago I decided my peace of mind was more important than fighting with him about the money so I turned it all over to the District Attorney and am grateful every month when they manage to collect $50 from my ex's girlfriend. The support order was for $450 per month per child. My children are long past 18 now so all he owes me is arrears and interest, last time I checked (several years ago) that amount was in excess of $120K. I'll never see it.
But this post is not about past due child support. The past due support just lays the background for my first hand knowledge of less than ideal circumstances in life. I will never complain about having to do without. This may sound strange but I thank God for the first few years after my divorce, the lean years of my life. Those years taught me about gratitude and how important it is. My children and I never did without. God used my family and friends and sometimes even government agencies to ensure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our backs. They even went as far as ensuring there were gifts under the tree at Christmas time. There were many occasions I was unable to provide for my children but I didn't have to. I just needed to rest in the embrace of my loving father in Heaven. I fully acknowledge how undeserving I was and still am of those blessings bestowed upon my children and me in those years. I am so grateful the Lord provided for us. I also acknowledge that there are many, many people in this world who are not as blessed.
After a few years of regular employment and a steady income I began to pull myself out of debt and was able to provide for my children and myself. I sometimes wonder if I was too prideful on occasion telling the agencies to please bless other families more needy than ours. It just made more sense to me when I could finally take care of my family on my own. It's not that I didn't want the help, I just knew that there were other families more needy than ours.
One Thanksgiving not long after that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. It was about a week before the holiday and no one had invited us to share the meal with them yet. My apartment (and budget) was much too small for more than one or two guests so I felt unable to invite anyone to share with us. I trudged to the grocery store and purchased a small turkey and all the fixings for our dinner. I must confess, I was a little resentful of my family and the fellowship I felt we were deliberately being left out of. (Long story, a whole 'nother post entirely.) I was working at that time, a job where I routinely put in 10 to 12 hours a day, which didn't leave me a lot of time for cooking. Late Tuesday evening I finally got a call from my mother, inviting us to spend Thanksgiving with her and my step-father. Of course I accepted.
Now realistically I could have put the turkey and all the fixings into my freezer and/or cupboards and saved them for a future date with my oven. Considering my finances I probably should have, but I knew that the last minute phone call was a blessing from God, the invitation really came from Him. Therefore, I needed to react to it in the manner to which He called me. That meant that the kids and I packed up all that food and drove it to Samaritan House, the nearest ministry accepting donations for feeding the poor and homeless. A new Thanksgiving tradition was started for my children and me. Beginning that year, every time my children and I had the opportunity, we purchased 2 dinners for the holiday, one for ourselves and one to give away. Or, on the few occasions we were invited to share the holiday meal with someone, we purchased just the one to give away.
I've since stopped sharing holiday meals with my family and my children have grown and are now celebrating on their own. They are at a time in their lives where they believe they know more and are smarter than their mother. They believe I am overly religious and bigoted to boot. My children are good people, they are just misguided. This means I now celebrate the holidays on my own. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I am a very social person and can only tolerate limited quantities of alone time. This holiday is especially tough after the recent breakup of my romantic relationship.
A few years ago our church forged a partnership with a ministry in San Francisco's Tenderloin district. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with San Francisco, this is an extremely poor section of town, populated by people who are usually invisible in our society, the poor and the homeless. Many of the Tenderloin's residents are there because of poor choices in their lives: addictions, alcoholism, prostitution, whatever the choice may be. Many of the residents are there because of financial constraints or maybe they are immigrants who cannot afford better housing or don't speak enough language to acquire better accommodations. No matter why they are there it is an often overlooked part of town.
Last year I joined the team from my church who drove down to San Francisco to deliver warm meals and groceries to the residents of the Tenderloin. This year I joined the team again. I do it out of obedience. Jesus calls me to do it out of love for His brothers and sisters in Him. I wrote more in detail about this event last year. I am exhausted so I will not repeat the story this year. However, there were a few things that happened that made this year unique from last year. I may write about those tomorrow.
I have not always had the easiest of lives and have spent many years struggling, physically and emotionally to be sure but I have had the greatest struggles financially. Being a single mother with three children to raise was not an easy task and to have my ex-husband decide that I didn't deserve child support only served to make matters worse. It didn't matter that the child support was really for his children and it didn't matter that the courts said he had to pay me the support, he decided he wasn't going to pay me and so he didn't. I know there are laws on the books to "force" deadbeat dads to pay support but there are ways around those laws if you look hard enough. My ex found a woman gullible enough to support him enabling him to avoid holding down a job. I understand he sells stuff on eBay but I guess the courts haven't figured out a way to attach that income yet.
Many years ago I decided my peace of mind was more important than fighting with him about the money so I turned it all over to the District Attorney and am grateful every month when they manage to collect $50 from my ex's girlfriend. The support order was for $450 per month per child. My children are long past 18 now so all he owes me is arrears and interest, last time I checked (several years ago) that amount was in excess of $120K. I'll never see it.
But this post is not about past due child support. The past due support just lays the background for my first hand knowledge of less than ideal circumstances in life. I will never complain about having to do without. This may sound strange but I thank God for the first few years after my divorce, the lean years of my life. Those years taught me about gratitude and how important it is. My children and I never did without. God used my family and friends and sometimes even government agencies to ensure we always had a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothes on our backs. They even went as far as ensuring there were gifts under the tree at Christmas time. There were many occasions I was unable to provide for my children but I didn't have to. I just needed to rest in the embrace of my loving father in Heaven. I fully acknowledge how undeserving I was and still am of those blessings bestowed upon my children and me in those years. I am so grateful the Lord provided for us. I also acknowledge that there are many, many people in this world who are not as blessed.
After a few years of regular employment and a steady income I began to pull myself out of debt and was able to provide for my children and myself. I sometimes wonder if I was too prideful on occasion telling the agencies to please bless other families more needy than ours. It just made more sense to me when I could finally take care of my family on my own. It's not that I didn't want the help, I just knew that there were other families more needy than ours.
One Thanksgiving not long after that I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. It was about a week before the holiday and no one had invited us to share the meal with them yet. My apartment (and budget) was much too small for more than one or two guests so I felt unable to invite anyone to share with us. I trudged to the grocery store and purchased a small turkey and all the fixings for our dinner. I must confess, I was a little resentful of my family and the fellowship I felt we were deliberately being left out of. (Long story, a whole 'nother post entirely.) I was working at that time, a job where I routinely put in 10 to 12 hours a day, which didn't leave me a lot of time for cooking. Late Tuesday evening I finally got a call from my mother, inviting us to spend Thanksgiving with her and my step-father. Of course I accepted.
Now realistically I could have put the turkey and all the fixings into my freezer and/or cupboards and saved them for a future date with my oven. Considering my finances I probably should have, but I knew that the last minute phone call was a blessing from God, the invitation really came from Him. Therefore, I needed to react to it in the manner to which He called me. That meant that the kids and I packed up all that food and drove it to Samaritan House, the nearest ministry accepting donations for feeding the poor and homeless. A new Thanksgiving tradition was started for my children and me. Beginning that year, every time my children and I had the opportunity, we purchased 2 dinners for the holiday, one for ourselves and one to give away. Or, on the few occasions we were invited to share the holiday meal with someone, we purchased just the one to give away.
I've since stopped sharing holiday meals with my family and my children have grown and are now celebrating on their own. They are at a time in their lives where they believe they know more and are smarter than their mother. They believe I am overly religious and bigoted to boot. My children are good people, they are just misguided. This means I now celebrate the holidays on my own. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I am a very social person and can only tolerate limited quantities of alone time. This holiday is especially tough after the recent breakup of my romantic relationship.
A few years ago our church forged a partnership with a ministry in San Francisco's Tenderloin district. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with San Francisco, this is an extremely poor section of town, populated by people who are usually invisible in our society, the poor and the homeless. Many of the Tenderloin's residents are there because of poor choices in their lives: addictions, alcoholism, prostitution, whatever the choice may be. Many of the residents are there because of financial constraints or maybe they are immigrants who cannot afford better housing or don't speak enough language to acquire better accommodations. No matter why they are there it is an often overlooked part of town.
Last year I joined the team from my church who drove down to San Francisco to deliver warm meals and groceries to the residents of the Tenderloin. This year I joined the team again. I do it out of obedience. Jesus calls me to do it out of love for His brothers and sisters in Him. I wrote more in detail about this event last year. I am exhausted so I will not repeat the story this year. However, there were a few things that happened that made this year unique from last year. I may write about those tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What A Week! - Part 4
If you read my posts about my trip to Mexico it sounds like it was a very secular trip. I made very little mention of the spiritual side of the trip other than morning devotions and Eddie and Brandon's messages in the morning. And I know I even made Brandon's sound like a commercial interruption. That really isn't the case. Right after breakfast on Friday and Saturday mornings we all filed into the big meeting room upstairs and had a time of worship. Eddie gives us a hard time about paying attention to the lyrics we are singing but he does join in with us. Ever since he started doing that I have been paying attention. If you sing, "break my heart for what breaks yours" to Jesus you better mean it. In my opinion, worship is prayer set to music. It is a conversation with God and you shouldn't sing something you don't mean.
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie's main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he's right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member's plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20's, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it's the future I need to work on...
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my "attitude adjustment trips" because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord's work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let's see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here's some pictures of my room I took this morning...
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord's work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn't been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn't paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
5:30 already???
It's been a long night. I tossed and turned for most of it. I haven't been sleeping well, a lot on my mind. I should be grateful that I have a warm and dry place to sleep. Instead I am moaning and groaning about the fact that I am sleeping alone. I am crying over the fact that I want to be married, not just a notch on some guy's belt. I don't understand why I have this desire on my heart if everytime I get remotely close to that goal I get dumped. And each successive time it gets worse and worse. I love so deeply and completely that each breakup is like an amputation. The pain is so intense, even after almost a month. Is it any wonder I am afraid to admit that I love? It's not his fault. I am the defective one.
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
The other thing keeping me from sleep is excitement over Mexico. By this time next week 10 families will have new homes. That is approximately 40 - 50 people we will be impacting for the Lord! A huge opportunity to share God's love and grace and mercy. I just hope that I am up for the task. I don't know why I am nervous, I've done this so many times before. I know I just need to relax and let God work through me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Even in the midst of my pain and misery I can find joy in serving You. Fill my life so that there is no more room for all that pain and misery. Help me keep my focus on You and Your desires for me rather than my wishes and desires for myself. I know that You always want the best for me while I may not always know what that is. I submit to Your will, O Lord. Show me the path You desire for me to walk.
Lord, please also watch over my family and those whom I love. Please keep them safe, healthy and happy. Watch over them as they go about their days. Give them love and joy in whatever form You choose to bestow upon them. Give them great jobs, great relationships and most of all, give them hearts that hunger after You. I feel free to ask this of You because I know of Your love for me and my loved ones. You sent Your only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that we may be reconciled to You. What a wonderous gift!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Freedom
I just have to praise God over and over and over again for the blessing of my new home.
When I was living with my son I was ashamed of that space. I was cramped and crowded and disorganized. I never invited anyone into my room because it was always such a mess. I wasn't just ashamed, I was deeply ashamed. People used to ask me about it and I tried to deflect them away from the topic. I think Wayne in particular was hurt by it. I never felt comfortable bringing guests into that home.
Already in my new space I am thinking about how wonderful it will be to have guests. I have spent the last 2 hours arranging my room and I am already much more comfortable here than I ever was in my son's apartment, even with scores of unpacked boxes. With such a great place to rest and recharge I will be able to face the days ahead with joy and thanksgiving, with the Lord's peace in my heart. I look forward to it.
When I was living with my son I was ashamed of that space. I was cramped and crowded and disorganized. I never invited anyone into my room because it was always such a mess. I wasn't just ashamed, I was deeply ashamed. People used to ask me about it and I tried to deflect them away from the topic. I think Wayne in particular was hurt by it. I never felt comfortable bringing guests into that home.
Already in my new space I am thinking about how wonderful it will be to have guests. I have spent the last 2 hours arranging my room and I am already much more comfortable here than I ever was in my son's apartment, even with scores of unpacked boxes. With such a great place to rest and recharge I will be able to face the days ahead with joy and thanksgiving, with the Lord's peace in my heart. I look forward to it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
My new home
So I just spent a large portion of this evening up at my new place chatting with my new landlord. I am so excited, I am moving in on Saturday! Dorothy was telling me about how she found the place and how she fell in love with it right away. She knew she just had to have it. Her husband was very ill so he didn't get to live there very long but she's lived there for 15 years. It's a huge place and she keeps it up with the help of her son and grandson. I'll have my own private entrance and my deck is fenced off so that I can keep the dog there, and in my room. There's a creek, 2 ponds and a swimming pool. I can see all of them from my deck.
Dorothy is also a Christian. She was telling me this evening how she came to know Christ. You could see the joy radiating off her face. She has a sweet, sweet smile. She told me I will find peace there, peace and happiness. I believe her. I left there over an hour ago and I can still feel the peace that seeped into my soul as we visited this evening.
And of course, the walls in her home are covered with her paintings. Like me she finds simple joy in colors. She has hundreds of books on painting she has told me to feel free to peruse. It will be a joy.
I believe God led me to the perfect place for rest and healing. In no time at all I should feel refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world again, but I believe I am going to hold onto this place as my little sanctuary. I know God and I will be sharing many joyous hours there.
Dorothy is also a Christian. She was telling me this evening how she came to know Christ. You could see the joy radiating off her face. She has a sweet, sweet smile. She told me I will find peace there, peace and happiness. I believe her. I left there over an hour ago and I can still feel the peace that seeped into my soul as we visited this evening.
And of course, the walls in her home are covered with her paintings. Like me she finds simple joy in colors. She has hundreds of books on painting she has told me to feel free to peruse. It will be a joy.
I believe God led me to the perfect place for rest and healing. In no time at all I should feel refreshed and renewed and ready to take on the world again, but I believe I am going to hold onto this place as my little sanctuary. I know God and I will be sharing many joyous hours there.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
WooHoo!!!
Okay, here's the thing, I spoke with Dorothy (my new landlady) this afternoon. I get to move in over the weekend even thought the first isn't actually till Monday. That will give me plenty of time to get settled before I leave for Mexico on Thursday morning.
This is my Happy Dance. What? You can't see it? That's probably a good thing...
This is my Happy Dance. What? You can't see it? That's probably a good thing...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Rainy Days and Sundays
Today I should have been packing for my move. Instead I spent most of the day working on a painting I started 4 weeks ago. As a matter of fact, I started it on the day I first knew there was a problem between Wayne and I. I had been suspecting it for some time but that day I knew. I was considering not finishing it because it holds terrible memories of Wayne for me but right now I am rather glad I've been working on it. It looks rather nice. It has some good colors in it and some blending that looks really nice. I'm probably going to have to sell it when I'm done but that's okay.
Yesterday was blood platelet donation day, also the only time I ever weigh myself. I do that deliberately so I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale. I was down from 171 pounds to 166. That's 5 pounds in 2 weeks, just a tad too fast. But it does put me at a BMI of 25.2 and 25.0 is consider a "normal" weight. Now if I can just keep up the good eating habits and not revert back I should be okay.
I also took a long walk in the rain yesterday. I walked from my apartment to the site where I crashed my bike, about 4 miles each way. Hmmm, somewhere I had the idea it was 5 but I just recalculated, it's 4, maybe a little bit more but not a whole lot. I had my big polka dot umbrella, I love the sound the rain makes on my umbrella, and on the path and the trees and bushes and river and...
As I was crossing the river I watched the fish under the water like I did last week. The difference yesterday was that the fish were jumping. I saw some pretty good sized fish, too. I was thinking about how last week I wanted to jump from the bridge. My life was so painful I didn't want to go on. Well, I still wanted to jump this week but not as badly as I did last week. That's progress, right? I have more joy in my life this week than I did last. Not as much as I did a month ago when I was still with Wayne but I am working my way back to happy and joyful again. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord to either restore our relationship or get that man out of my head. So far, neither one has happened.
Well, I need to go to sleep now if I'm going to work tomorrow. The herbs are still doing their trick, as a matter of fact I am sleeping better and better each night. That contributes to the joy returning to my life as well. I would have stayed in bed all day today if I'd had someone to cuddle with. Rainy days are good for that.
Yesterday was blood platelet donation day, also the only time I ever weigh myself. I do that deliberately so I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale. I was down from 171 pounds to 166. That's 5 pounds in 2 weeks, just a tad too fast. But it does put me at a BMI of 25.2 and 25.0 is consider a "normal" weight. Now if I can just keep up the good eating habits and not revert back I should be okay.
I also took a long walk in the rain yesterday. I walked from my apartment to the site where I crashed my bike, about 4 miles each way. Hmmm, somewhere I had the idea it was 5 but I just recalculated, it's 4, maybe a little bit more but not a whole lot. I had my big polka dot umbrella, I love the sound the rain makes on my umbrella, and on the path and the trees and bushes and river and...
As I was crossing the river I watched the fish under the water like I did last week. The difference yesterday was that the fish were jumping. I saw some pretty good sized fish, too. I was thinking about how last week I wanted to jump from the bridge. My life was so painful I didn't want to go on. Well, I still wanted to jump this week but not as badly as I did last week. That's progress, right? I have more joy in my life this week than I did last. Not as much as I did a month ago when I was still with Wayne but I am working my way back to happy and joyful again. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord to either restore our relationship or get that man out of my head. So far, neither one has happened.
Well, I need to go to sleep now if I'm going to work tomorrow. The herbs are still doing their trick, as a matter of fact I am sleeping better and better each night. That contributes to the joy returning to my life as well. I would have stayed in bed all day today if I'd had someone to cuddle with. Rainy days are good for that.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
John 15:1-4
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
God has a purpose for my life. I'm not quite sure what it is yet because I have let my life get in the way. I've been too focused on myself to be able to hear the still, small voice of God. Even the things I believed He put into my life got in the way of listening to Him. Now it's time to clean out my life of all that extra stuff. That means not only cleaning out my closets and drawers but also paring away the relationships in my life that are pulling me down. Some of them are very dear to me but they are toxic, they are causing me a great deal of pain and anguish and therefore must go. This is not an arbitrary clean-up. Some of these relationships have been around for years and I have expended a great deal of time and energy witnessing to them. But it's very possible that I am not supposed to be the one to bring in that harvest. Other relationships have been shorter in term but just as precious to me. I need to cut them loose now so that I can clear noise between God and myself.
I'm not going to name names here or point fingers. Let's just say that if you have dropped out of my life in the past several weeks or if you find yourself dropping out of my life in the next few weeks you may want to consider looking for those divine pruning shears. (It doesn't matter whether it was your your idea, my idea or someone else's idea, it was all God's idea.) To some of you I hope that God reintroduces us again in the future. To others, I am glad to see your backside. I will leave it to you to figure out which group you belong in.
God has a purpose for my life. I'm not quite sure what it is yet because I have let my life get in the way. I've been too focused on myself to be able to hear the still, small voice of God. Even the things I believed He put into my life got in the way of listening to Him. Now it's time to clean out my life of all that extra stuff. That means not only cleaning out my closets and drawers but also paring away the relationships in my life that are pulling me down. Some of them are very dear to me but they are toxic, they are causing me a great deal of pain and anguish and therefore must go. This is not an arbitrary clean-up. Some of these relationships have been around for years and I have expended a great deal of time and energy witnessing to them. But it's very possible that I am not supposed to be the one to bring in that harvest. Other relationships have been shorter in term but just as precious to me. I need to cut them loose now so that I can clear noise between God and myself.
I'm not going to name names here or point fingers. Let's just say that if you have dropped out of my life in the past several weeks or if you find yourself dropping out of my life in the next few weeks you may want to consider looking for those divine pruning shears. (It doesn't matter whether it was your your idea, my idea or someone else's idea, it was all God's idea.) To some of you I hope that God reintroduces us again in the future. To others, I am glad to see your backside. I will leave it to you to figure out which group you belong in.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
did I mention???
...Dorothy is going to let me have a dog! The dog sorta needs to audition first, to see if it will get along with the other people in the house. I was looking online at dogs at the SPCA today. There is a chow/keeshond mix I'd love to have but I need to wait till I come back from Mexico before I bring a dog home. Baby will probably be gone by then.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Psalm 27:14
Dear Lord,
I heard You speak to me this morning. Thank You for the answer to my prayer. I will be patient and wait as long as You want me to. I know Your plans are better for me than any I can devise for myself. I will submit to Your will.
Thank You also for this three day fast. As it winds down to a close I find myself wanting to stay in Your presence. I know I can do that and still eat but this has been a special time. Please Lord, restore the things in my life that You will restore and remove from my life anything that will distract me from You.
Lord, please also bless my friends, family and loved ones. They are all very special to me and I know they are also your children. You love them even more than I do, immeasureably more.
Thank You for the life of Your son. I have come to appreciate the sacrifice You made for us when You allowed Jesus to give His life in payment of our sins. I can never hope to be worthy of such a sacrifice.
--Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
--Psalm 27:14
I heard You speak to me this morning. Thank You for the answer to my prayer. I will be patient and wait as long as You want me to. I know Your plans are better for me than any I can devise for myself. I will submit to Your will.
Thank You also for this three day fast. As it winds down to a close I find myself wanting to stay in Your presence. I know I can do that and still eat but this has been a special time. Please Lord, restore the things in my life that You will restore and remove from my life anything that will distract me from You.
Lord, please also bless my friends, family and loved ones. They are all very special to me and I know they are also your children. You love them even more than I do, immeasureably more.
Thank You for the life of Your son. I have come to appreciate the sacrifice You made for us when You allowed Jesus to give His life in payment of our sins. I can never hope to be worthy of such a sacrifice.
--Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
--Psalm 27:14
Day 3
Good Morning Lord,
Thank You for this beautiful day. It is still dark outside but I know it came from You so it will be awesome. Thank You for the sleep I did manage last night, it refreshed me enough to go on with this day. Thank You for my job, it enables me to take care of myself and contribute to Your kingdom. Thank You for my friends and family, even those who have no use for me anymore. What's up with my sister anyway? Are you knocking at her heart's door? Thank You for little Benjamin Dang, Please help him grow strong.
Thank You for Your care and provision. As You know, this is day 3 of my fast. I don't know why You asked for three days but I am finding it to be an eye-opening experience. I truly CAN do all things through You. I know that with You at my side, or I guess I should say, I know that as I cling to Your side, I will come through this season of sadness in one piece, whole, happy and stronger than ever. I thank You for Your love, Your grace and Your mercy. I know Your plans for my life are greater than mine. I wish I didn't have to go through all the pain but I know it is for my benefit, to mold me and shape me into the person You would have me become. Thank You for that, Lord.
I am going to go about my day now. Let Your light shine through me as I do just that. Let my life praise and glorify the name of Your son, Jesus. It is through His sacrifice that I am able to bow before Your feet this morning. For that I am most grateful of all.
Thank You for this beautiful day. It is still dark outside but I know it came from You so it will be awesome. Thank You for the sleep I did manage last night, it refreshed me enough to go on with this day. Thank You for my job, it enables me to take care of myself and contribute to Your kingdom. Thank You for my friends and family, even those who have no use for me anymore. What's up with my sister anyway? Are you knocking at her heart's door? Thank You for little Benjamin Dang, Please help him grow strong.
Thank You for Your care and provision. As You know, this is day 3 of my fast. I don't know why You asked for three days but I am finding it to be an eye-opening experience. I truly CAN do all things through You. I know that with You at my side, or I guess I should say, I know that as I cling to Your side, I will come through this season of sadness in one piece, whole, happy and stronger than ever. I thank You for Your love, Your grace and Your mercy. I know Your plans for my life are greater than mine. I wish I didn't have to go through all the pain but I know it is for my benefit, to mold me and shape me into the person You would have me become. Thank You for that, Lord.
I am going to go about my day now. Let Your light shine through me as I do just that. Let my life praise and glorify the name of Your son, Jesus. It is through His sacrifice that I am able to bow before Your feet this morning. For that I am most grateful of all.
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